Dead Man Walking

Today brought an unexpected visitor to my door, a friend, I thought quite honestly was dead. It was good to see I was mistaken but also a lot of unpleasant memories surfaced after he had left. I realize that he has been through a lot in the last two years. I understand and respect that. I know he was unable to make good on the arrangements to repay me because of them. I also noticed that he is still manipulative and self serving despite his near brush with death. He hasn't changed a bit. I ,sadly, found myself thinking how easier my life was when he wasn't around and I thought he was dead. Now the opportunity presents itself to pick up where we left off or let it drift away.

The back story is this. In 2006, we befriended each other. He even said he could be my best friend. I took him at his word. I learned he was in dire need of a lung transplant. Toward the end of 2007, it happened unexpectedly. He was in the hospital for all of 2008 for recovery, rehabilitation, other surgeries and infections. Well over $1,000,000 worth of medical bills paid by Medicare. By the way, as a side note, he is only 41, has a son that doesn't live with him and is straight.

Needless to say, with all that was going on, our contact tapered off to zilch. Before all of this happened, I would do things to help him out. I put the car and insurance in my name, though he doesn't have a valid driver's license. I gave him a line on my phone account. I would take him 3 hours up the interstate to the doctors he used at Duke hospital. I took him to file for Medicare, to see his brother in South Carolina (manipulated), hauled him to the grocery store, the barber shop (manipulated), etc. Occasionally we would do something fun, like a movie, but not often. Most of it centered around being manipulated into taking care of stuff for him. If he had asked me upfront to do so, I would have planned accordingly and gladly done so. But don't tell me one thing and when I get there change it to something else, knowing after I hear you wheeze, cough and gasp for air, I can't say no.

When he first went into the hospital, a female friend sent me one check for what he owed me from 2 months back. That was it. The last phone bill, his half was $285. I lost service because of it. I couldn't pay it. I paid on the car insurance for another 6 months because I knew he needed to get to the doctor and back. Finally, I transferred the car back to him and cancelled the insurance after not hearing from him for 6 months.

He shows up, out of the blue today, wanting to resume our friendship. I feel used and manipulated. I honestly don't want to be around him. I'm glad he survived the double lung transplant, the heart operation, and all the infections, but I don't like the feeling of being used. One of the first things he mentioned was repaying me. He invited me to his house to watch a movie tonight. He also wants us to go to pride together next week. It all sounds great. A straight best friend. But I've been burned too much in the past, not just with him. I think knowing he ain't dead is enough for me.

Am I being an asshole?

P.S Also, he once again asked about insurance and retitling his car in my name while he works on getting his license. (BTW, I'm not going to his house tonight.)