Howdy! How you doin'?

Things are going as smoothly as possible with my new position at work. I really love it. It is so much better than being on the sales floor, though I do help in fine jewelry when I need some extra hours or they need coverage. The hours will be increasing here shortly as the store gears up for the fall season. I hope enough to be eligible for insurance again.

My guy and I still talking but not really seeing each other. Since his son has moved home, there isn't any place else to go. Guess that is the trouble with seeing someone who isn't out. Though I have let him know I'm willing to work around this circumstance, I haven't seen the same effort from him. So I guess fuck buddies was all he wanted. Oh well, doctor or not, I've moved on.

I have actually have been seeing 3 other guys. While my doctor friend really turns my crank, the others are out, just as close and can give me what I want outside of the bedroom in a relationship. Somehow I've managed to juggle my work schedule, doing things for my mothers, and seeing 4 guys (of course, Doc dropping the ball freed up some time). I've decided I'm not getting excited about any of them. I like them. I enjoy the time we spend together. The sex is nice too. But, I'm just not going to put myself out there emotionally like I have. It would be nice to actually put some of this hard earned knowledge to use. So gonna try to be as detached as everyone else and see where it goes.

I have also started a little side project. I'm doing male nude photography. Currently, I offer my services for free to any man who wants tasteful, artistic nudes, semi nudes or such for their personal use. I had my first photo shoot last Friday with a friend that has turned out very well. The little group I set up has responded very well with offers to model and great positive feedback on the resulting images. After 500+ pics during a 2 1/2 session, it netted a stunning variety of 130 useable images. I have another shoot booked for next Saturday morning with two other friends. And three more planned before the end of the month. Tommy is actually planning one in mid August. His won't be nude, because he is too paranoid about his job finding out, but he has actually booked and is paying for an overnight trip to a casino in the mountains for us to do his photo shoot at. This has been interesting so far. I hope to turn this little project into a money making opportunity by the end of the year. Right now, doing it for free helps me gain experience and build a portfolio. As much as I enjoy it, the time and effort involved won't allow me to do it free for long. I'm happy with where this seems to be going.

I've tried some more of the Advocare products. Honestly, they are some of the most amazing supplements I have ever purchased. The results I see in Tommy and his brother's  physiques are honestly astounding! My personal results have not been as dramatic, but great nonetheless. That little belly roll is s-l-o-w-l-y melting away. I would highly recommend to anyone who want to lose weight, trim down, bulk up or just live a healthier lifestyle to try AdvoCare products. Here is a link to check it out for yourself  AdvoCare.

So that is what's happening in my neck of the woods. I'm plugging along, making the best of things.....Hope all my readers are doing well.

Howdy!

Been an interesting month so far.....Lots of stuff going on, all of it good so far....

My mother finally sold the old place. She closed last week on it. Yeah! Now she can stop worrying about being "broke". And I can stop worrying about trying to keep everything up at both places.

I finally got moved to the support team at work. I start my new schedule and position in Merchandising the week of the 19th. I'm excited about having a set schedule. No more nights and weekends, except on rare occasions or Christmas. I have to get use to being at work at 6am, but the getting off at 1pm, 2pm or 3pm is gonna be wonderful! I still have to figure out if I want to go to the gym in the mornings before work, which I prefer, or switch to afternoon evenings.....we'll see.

I've discovered a new line of products by Advocare that has really helped/enhanced my workouts and health goals. They are awesome! For years, I would try various products that GNC offered only to return the unused portion because they never did what they claimed. I'm so excited about this stuff! I started the 10 day Cleanse and feel amazing only 2 days in! I'll keep y'all posted on other product results as I try them out....

Also, me and my man have pasted the one month anniversary phase. Woohoo! Things are still going well and seem to be headed in the right direction. We still text almost daily and say little flirty things to each other. Our times together are getting a little longer and involve a little something extra besides just sex. We talk and share lots of personal stuff without being pushy or intrusive.....The pace is slow but steady and consistent. I like where we are at the moment and always look forward to seeing him. He spoils me with attention. I'm happy. He is too.

My next change begins Wednesday. I'm going on the patch again to quit smoking. I've had enough of the expense and I need to keep my promise to my father. I figure while detoxing on the 10 day Cleanse, it would be a great time to do it. With all the junk out of my system, and all the water I drink now, the patch will have a better chance of helping with the cravings.....

So there it is in a nutshell. Things are looking up. They are not perfect yet, but they are heading in the right direction. Yeehaw!

Applied

Last Friday, I had a two hour interview with a local Cadillac dealership. It was the second one with them. I think I did very well. Now I just have to wait to see if they offer me the job. The potential to earn more than I currently make is certainly there. It is much closer to home and the schedule is more stable. My biggest concern is how the sales staff is paid. I've sold cars before and made good money at it. They all had salary draw set ups. This one does not. It is an hourly wage of $7.50 with incremental "bonus" money added for each car and once a certainly level is reached, more added retroactively to your paycheck. Great potential, but it scares me. In this economy, I don't think my bills would be covered at $7.50 an hour till I sold a car or two or five or whatever the magic number was. Yes, if right off the bat I sold 5 cars the first two weeks, I'd be golden. That isn't a given or absolute. While I was there, I saw hardly any traffic on the lot at all. Granted, they expect and give you cold call leads to help set appointments, which basically makes it a well defined numbers game, but that uncertainty weights very heavy on me. Right now, I'm just gonna wait for the phone call saying I have the job if I want it. Then I'll see if it is the right move for me. I don't care for Macy's but I do know about what my checks will be every week and can plan accordingly. I just don't wanna go from the frying pan into the fire, so to speak.

Passing Thoughts

Well, after nearly a month, a $2,000 repair bill, and over $300 in gas, I finally have my car back! Woohoo! It feels weird after getting use to the Yukon and the Explorer. I feels as if I'm sitting on the ground almost. I keep reaching for the gear shift on the steering column instead of the console. And the ride feels rougher than I recall. Oh well, I'm still glad to have my car back.

I've been noticing little things about my mother that disturb me slightly. It isn't anything major, just little things that may point to trouble down the road as far as her health is concerned. On the way to pick up my car, she came way too close for my comfort to rear ending two cars. Both for no apparent reason. Both were not sudden stops. There was adequate room to come to a stop or at least slow down without slamming on the brakes. We weren't really talking. She had her eyes on the road. Why she waited till almost upon them to hit the brakes is beyond me. Thankfully, she did and there were no accidents this time. I've also noticed that she seems to have trouble staying between the lines. She tends to drift back and forth a lot. Almost to the point that I'm afraid she will run off the road. Again, so far she hasn't, at least while I've been in the car. Also, not that her house has become a pig sty, but she isn't keeping it as spotless as she once did. I've noticed spiderwebs and dust bunnies here and there. Most of that I've chalked up lately to her injured shoulder, so I'm only making mental notes of it, instead of saying anything to her. I know she values her independence and I wouldn't want anything to take that from her. The fall last month shook her confidence enough. But I am watching and making mental notes. She turns 74 this year and her health could be a little better, but otherwise, she is fit for her age. I'm just concerned.

I had an internet interview for a local Cadillac dealership. I've never done one that required video responses before, so it was interesting. I hate the way I sound recorded. I think I looked horrible and sounded even worse. I didn't have a webcam so after work, I went to Tommy's and used his. He said he thought I did very well on my responses. I just hope they think I did a great job on my responses! I'd love to make more money. I need to make more money! Hopefully, I will hear something positive by the middle of the week or so. Wish me luck!

More Stuff

This new year feels a lot like the old one. Of course only 9 days in to it, there is ample time for it to change.

I spoke with the mechanic yesterday about the car. Yep, the pistons are warped. Figures. So it will be $2,000 bucks to fix. Thankfully my mother said she would pay it and I could just make payments to her. I honestly don't know what I would do without her! It hurts to have her to pay though, so any money not going to bills will be going to her. I just hope I can continue to make payments on my jewelry at the pawn shop. All I can do is my best. Let things fall where they may. Nothing more I can do about it.

On the work front, I'm being moved from the sales floor to the support team. It feels like a demotion almost. I'll lose my full time status and my benefits as well. I have mixed feeling about it. I do think I will be happier on the support team than sales as it is more suited to my talents. It also has a fixed schedule. No weird shifts and coming and going times. No nights and no weekends! I keep my same salary. I'm looking at it as an opportunity. With a set schedule, I can may find another part time job or even return to school to further me along a career path. And certainly have more time to search for a better full time job. Like I said, mixed blessing. I haven't told my mother yet as I don't want her to worry and secondly, they haven't given me a date for it change yet. All I know is it will be some time after inventory, which is the 12th and the 13th. So wish me luck.....

My mother did receive an offer on the old place. She refused it. Can't say I blame her. It was low balled pretty bad. The tax value is $615,000. The old asking price was $550,000. It is currently listed at $395,000. They offered $325,000. So, unless they make a better counter offer, they are out of the running. Thankfully there is still two other potential buyers. One of which just sold their home and hopefully will make an offer shortly, since that is what they were waiting on. So now some more waiting.....

The car ordeal and ensuing expenses threw me for a loop. I was really struggling with things as it were and guess that was the tipping point. I was very depressed for about a week. I didn't go the the gym at all. Partly because I was depressed and just not in the mood, but also driving my sister's Yukon and my mother's Explorer just takes too much freaking gas. Between the 2 vehicles and towing, I've spent $300 bucks.....so much for saving my overtime pay or taking care of anything else I had hoped to do. Like new eyeglasses or tires for the car, much less getting any jewelry out of pawn. Somehow, I'll find away to get a new set of tires, hopefully that doesn't involve my mother. As for the eyeglasses, luckily, Tommy's prescription is perfect for me. I'm hoping at some point maybe I can borrow his, take them to a Lenscrafters, copy the prescription and have them placed in my old frames. It would be cheaper, if they can do that. I'll check into it a little later when all the car crap is out of the way.

At least now my head is cleared somewhat and I'm thinking clearly about what needs to be done. I'm back at the gym again which helps a lot with keeping the cobwebs at bay. Now to just get moving on updating the resume and polishing my interviewing skills.....2013 better be good to me!

Year End Clearance

As 2012 draws to a close, I look back and wonder how I got through it. There has been so much bad this year and so little to celebrate. Somehow, though, I found joy in the smallest of things and learned to dig deep within to find veins of resiliency I didn't know I possessed. I made it being strong my motto this year. I had to be emotionally strong for my mother after my father passed away. I had to be spiritually strong for myself, family and friends that faced hardships throughout the year. I decided to become physically stronger by getting serious about my weight loss and working out at the gym. There are many things, both good and bad, that I never posted about here. They were just too personally or too painful. I look forward to 2013. There are many changes already coming down the pike that I am aware of and surely some that will catch me by surprise. Regardless of how or when they arrive in the new year, I'll face them head on with as must resolve as I can muster. I refuse to give up or give in. Bad things will always happen. There will always be something to challenge the way you live, think or do things. The trick is to adapt quickly, regroup and move on. I have great hope that 2013 will be a stellar year for me to move forward on many fronts in my life. I'm ready. Bring it!

Um, Ok

Busy! Busy! Busy!
That is the only way to describe things at the moment. My work schedule is hectic and playing havoc with getting anything else accomplished, though I have managed to keep up my exercise time at the gym. This week, I'm scheduled for 54 hours! A far cry from the norm of only 35. These 10 hour days aren't too bad, but require lots of prep work and planning to make sure everything is taken care of before I leave home. I been hitting the gym anywhere from 230am to 5am in an effort to keep on track for my goals. I also try to get back home for 30 minutes to an hour so Izzy, isn't here for longer than 12 hours by himself. It makes me sad to leave him inside that long, but there isn't anything I can do about it. He seems to understand and has been so sweet. I'm off today, so I'll spend a lot of time with him to make up for it.

My mother is having a hard time with this holiday. She is stressing and missing my father something fierce. I wish I could spend more time with her, but work is getting in the way. This year, we will be going to my sister's house for Christmas, so we will be trying to squeeze that trip into an already hectic day. My sister thought it would help out my mother and her mother in law, who lost her oldest son a few months ago, to not have to worry with readying the house and meals at their respective homes. Maybe it will help. It seems to have taken a little of the joy away from my mother though, but she agreed to go and hasn't changed her mind, though asked several times. We'll see.

I'm anxiously awaiting the new schedule for the week of Christmas. I need to know what my hours are for Christmas Eve. I'm going to Midnight Mass with Tommy and I need to squeeze in a visit with my mother as well, since it will be her first without my father. I'm trying to make everybody happy. I just hope we close at a decent time and I'm off or either scheduled to leave earlier than closing that day. Of course, I have to have a little time with the dog as well before running off somewhere else that night after working too.

My Christmas shopping is coming along nicely. I'm almost finished with only 3 left to purchase. This year's budget was a stretch, but I've managed to find some good bargains on the stuff I was wanting to give. I should be finished by this Friday and have everything wrapped by Tuesday, my next day off.

I'll be glad when this year is over. It has been rough and tested me in so many ways. I'm just glad to have made it this far.......

How It Goes

Well, Thanksgiving has come an gone. I gave thanks, enjoyed a brief 2 hours with the family before heading home to sleep before work at 4am, and now thankful it is over with. It seemed really weird without my father. It was obvious my mother was making a strained effort to seem cheerful. I'm sure she was enjoying it some with the grand kids present, but was still missing my father.

I'm sure this Thanksgiving was hard on my brother in law too. He lost his brother in a small engine plane crash last month. I was glad to finally get to offer my condolences in person since Macy's wouldn't allow me to take the time off for the funeral. I felt really bad about not being able to attend. His brother had been a pilot for years and owned several small planes. The investigation revealed that the fuel tank had a small leak that caused the crash. Witnesses backed up that claim saying they heard the plane sputter and stall before the crash. His family is devastated. And they were already dealing with his father's failing health. His father is going through the same as mine did with lung cancer and emphysema.

The traffic in the store was a little off, sluggish even. Underwhelming to be exact, but not surprising given how early some of the sales started in our store. Only a hand full of coworkers met or exceeded their sales goals for the day, mostly the ones that were scheduled mid morning or later. Us early birds, didn't get close. Overall the store did ok, but still missed it's sales goal. I think that was a first for a Black Friday. Saturday and Sunday wasn't much better sales or traffic wise.

I've been going to the gym regularly since Nov. 5. I'm seeing a little bit of change in some areas, but still a ways to go. I have went from 166 pounds to 170 pounds. I'm hoping that gain is in muscle and not fat. My eating habits haven't changed much, except for eating a little more lean protein to help build muscle. It's my understanding that the body can gain muscle at about the same rate as it can lose fat, given proper diet and nutrition, which is usually 1 to 2 pounds a week. I certainly hope that is correct. Some body parts aren't as jiggly as they once were, but still aren't as solid and tight as I want.  While my stomach is far from flat, my ab workouts have been drawing in my gut a little. Still need to lose a little fat left in that area. My arms and pecs are grower tighter, but haven't haven't seen real growth yet. My butt muscles are sore from all the exercises I'm putting them through, but far from being as firm as melons yet. That will come in time for all the areas I'm targeting. So far, so good......

Random Thoughts

The dating scene is growing old now. I'm leary and weary of it. I've met some nice guys, a few I actually though stood a chance of going somewhere. Atlas, nothing has manifested yet. By nothing, I mean someone to date and fall in love with. I'm disappointed but not shocked. I'm intelligent enough to know it can't be placed on a timetable nor does wishing it were so, gonna make it happen. I'm doing my best given my schedule and fiances at the moment. The schedule will only get worse from now till Christmas. Apparently, fiances will too.

Nothing is happening on the job front either. I've applied and applied to jobs and only snagged one interview out of the hundred or so resumes and job applications submitted. Not very promising at all. I had hope to be out of Macy's before Christmas this year. It isn't shaping up that way.

Money is still tight. I still have to ask for a few bucks from my mother it seems weekly. I'm just gonna have to lay it all out with her and hope she can and will help righten the boat. The way it is now, there is nothing I'm current on. I can't get from one week to the next with enough money to cover expenses much less anything extra. I've bounced more checks and paid more late fees in the last 4 months than I have in my entire life. Hence why I'm short ever week it seems. My rarely $300 checks just don't leave much breathing room. No raise this year didn't help either.

Since the break in, I worry about my mother more than I ever did. I wish I didn't have to burden her with my problems. She has enough things going on as it is. She has adapted y well in the six months since my father passed. She still misses him and I'm sure always will till she is gone. There are one or two estate things left to settle and at least that will be out of the way. I wish the old place would sell! That would alleviate so much stress for both of us.

My little trailer is slowly falling apart. I have no money to fix anything and don't want to ask my mother for the money for repairs and catching up bills. The front storm door handle is broken. I can close it from the inside but not reopen it from outside. I've been propping a heavy board against it when I leave so I can get back in. There is a hellious leak under the trailer. I actually turn the water to the trailer on and off as needed. It has damaged the sub floor in several areas. I can feel the ripples when I walk. The toilet and window still need fixing as well as the hole in the bedroom floor. None have ever been repaired. The roof needs to be painted/sealed. My father had discussed it before he passed, but we never got to it with all that was going on. No way in hell, would I ask someone here to hang out.

My jewelry is still in the pawn shop, even the two pieces I had managed to get out in January are back in. I'm worried to death I'm gonna lose it. I'm behind 2 payments but so far, they have been really sweet about working with me. I'm doing my best to hang on till something good happens monetarily. I would hate to lose $15,000 worth of jewelry for a loan of only $600....It makes me physically ill whenever I think about it. But what else can I do?

So I'm hanging on, barely, struggling like so many others, who may be in worse shape than me. I do what I can for myself and my mother. And try not to worry about the rest. I apply for a job when I find one and hope I get lucky. When I have an extra buck or two, I buy  a lottery ticket and hope lady luck smiles on me in a big way. Right now, it would be nice to know exactly when all this will be settled and my mother and I  both can move forward.....

Hanging On

Not much has really changed around here since the last post. I have exceeded my fundraising goal thanks to my generous blogger buddies and various high school friends.

I have lost a few more pounds but still away from my target weight. I have redoubled my efforts at exercising more regularly and for longer as well as tenaciously sticking to my diet. Hopefully, all the effort will spell success in the near future.

My mother's bereavement class seems to be helping some. Family and friends thus far have continued to be very supportive by visiting and planning small outings through out the month.

I still call two or three times a day, stop by on early days from work and spend my days off at her house doing whatever needs to be done. We have a certain routine now. A more stable work schedule would help a bit more.

I'm applying for jobs, the few I find, that are closer to home. The money for the most part  is about the same, but the hours and commute is better. Hopefully that will translate into more money in my pocket, even without an outright raise in salary.

The holding pattern continues.....

It Had To Happen

I knew it was coming. I could feel it. I pushed it back as much as possible, but it wouldn't be stopped. I went to my mother's this morning before work to put the lawn mower battery on the charger. I've done it dozens of times with and without my father's supervision. It dawned on me big time he is gone and won't ever be back. I can't ask him questions on how to do something. I can't get his opinion or advice on things anymore. As I looked for an extension cord, I saw all the tools he had used, all the ones he had shown me how to use or that I had used while he watched because he wasn't able to use it himself. I realized that the next time I'm on the tractor, or mow the yard, or mix gas for the weed eater or the chainsaw or plow the garden, those same memories will be there. At first to haunt me about what I have lost then to comfort me that I had it at all. I held it together till I got home. Then it all came flooding out. I hate to cry. I look horrible crying. I feel horrible for crying. But it felt like a welcome relief. I only saw my father cry twice. Both times it broke my heart. If he can cry then so can I. Only I can't stop.

I called in to work today. I just returned to work yesterday after being out for a week with an acute upper respiratory infection. I've used 6 of my 10 vacations days already this year in this month along. I worry about losing my job, but supposedly they understand. I can only hope with the 9 days for bereavement then 7 days for sickness and 2 days for not being able to cope with the sudden change in my life that they truly mean it. That is the last thing I need to burden myself or my mother with at the moment. Hopefully it will all settle down soon.

But right now, at this moment, I can't say it really matters. My father is gone. One of my biggest supporters. I feel lost and so not up to the task of looking out for my mother. And holding a full time job. And taking care of the day to day stuff of ordinary living. I feel overwhelmed and inadequate. Hopefully the old Dave is still with me. Buried under all the grief and stress of the moment. I hope he re-emerges soon.

A Non-update Update

Things are still unchanged on the home front for the most part. No interest in the old home place and the trailer is still standing for the moment. My parents are doing relatively well. The doctor said my father's pneumonia is finally cleared up. He is still weak and thin and relies on my mother an awful lot. He goes for a CT scan in a few weeks to see if the cancer is spreading. We are a bit anxious about that. I'm finally making some headway financially. I actually have gotten a few more pieces of jewelry out of the pawn shop and caught up a few bills. Next check should be free and clear of any bills for a change. Woohoo! I'm still attempting to get into a regular exercise routine instead of the hit or miss I've been doing. Thankfully, I haven't gained any weight back through the holidays and parental stress. I've been able to fit into more of my old clothes, so that makes me happy. Work is work. I'm still waiting on the final word for my FMLA status. That has been a long drawn out process in itself. I'm glad the holidays are over, inventory is finished and all the returns are drawing to a close. I've been tweaking the resume to send out soon. Still want a better paying job with a better schedule.Izzy is still the best dog ever and I love on him everyday. Tommy is still Tommy and who knows if we are friends or not sometimes. Whatever. I just go with the flow when it concerns him. Jessica and I went to Chilli's last Saturday after work and had a great time with another coworker Lu Anne. It was unplanned but fun to break my routine of work, home or parents everyday. Richard, the cute guy that moved to Delaware last year, text me Happy New Year. So did Jim. Things are still slow with Jim. Not sure where that is headed. I'm just playing it by ear. I'm not waiting on him and I do chat with other guys in the interim. My social life could use some improvement. So could my sex life. I'm use to it so it isn't that big a deal. It will happen when it happens. So far so good this year. Overall, I'm happier than Ive been in a while despite it all. 2012 is gonna be an ok year I think. I'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Christmas Musings

I remember growing up the anticipation leading up to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was a wonderful time to be a kid. I remember not being that shocked or disappointed that there really wasn't a Santa. I recall many gifts from parents and grandparents that I adored. Funny, I don't recall ever being after the latest and greatest toy of season. I was always happy with whatever I got. I'm still that way. Any time someone ask me what I want, I say nothing and I really mean it. I have enough stuff. Enough clothes, of all sizes, enough knick knacks to fill a couple of houses. I don't need any more. I will usually relent when pushed and just say wine and/or money. There never seems to be enough of either of those here. Maybe it's the 22 years in retail and being assaulted earlier every year with Christmas music and decorations in the workplace for 8 hours or more. Maybe it is the over spending I see this time of the year or the horror stories of shopping excursions gone bad. Maybe I'm just jaded and cynical in my middle age. But Christmas seems more of a chore and less joyful than it did in my 30's or before. It is always a hassle to pick the right gift, or find a way to afford something that no one in my family really needs. The last few years I've stopped decorating. It is more trouble than it is worth to me. I have to move Hell and half of Georgia to make room for the tree. I'm rarely home long enough to enjoy it. I don't have company over that would see or appreciate it. And the dog really don't care one way or the other. So why bother? Don't get me wrong, I love the festive lights and the shiny, sparkly ornaments. I'm happy others enjoy it. Yeah, for them. To me it is a paid day off. As far as the religion part goes, I don't buy into it wholeheartedly. It seems all the shopping and decorating and overspending has really upsurped the supposed meaning of the holiday. I'd rather hang with family and friends on this day, with the twinkling lights, good food and drinks and just enjoy the company. I like it more for that, than a fairytale birth. I partake begrudgingly with the family because they are all about that stuff. And I would never hear the end of it if I missed it. I sit and watch, oh and awe appropriately and count the minutes till I can gracefully leave. This year at work I went all season and didn't wish a single customer Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. If they wished it upon me, I responded back with a simple, "you too!" and left it at that. When I move into a larger house, whenever that may be, I will put up a tree and lights because I enjoy that part of it. I will entertain friends with seasonal music, twinkling lights and good alcoholic beverages. I will still buy gifts for family because it is expected. But I don't have to go hog wild about. I'll reflect quietly to myself and wonder why I can't keep the decorations up year round and start thinking about the New Year.

Thanks Macy's

After working 11:30 pm till 9:30 am on Thanksgiving night/ Black Friday morning just to take advantage of the time and a half, 10% shift differential, and the holiday pay, it increased my paycheck by $15.90. It appears the time and a half only applied to the hour between 11pm and 12am and the 10% shift differential only from the hours of 12am till 4am. The holiday pay barely made up for the extra day off I was given that week. Thanks Macy's!

Tizzies & Such

I'm in a tizzy over all that is going on right now around here. I'm worried about my father and my mother. I wonder what will happen to my mother when my father is gone? I'm concerned that my mother may not live long after he is gone. They have really never been apart much in their 55 year marriage. Hospice will be helping once he is released. That will a great relief on my mother I'm sure. It also means nothing more can be done but make him comfortable. I've requested the forms be sent for Intermittent Family Leave. I figured that way I can be there when they need me, whenever they need me, without jeopardizing my job. I'm concerned about the old place selling. I would like for my father to see it sold before he passes, but in this economy, I'm not sure that will happen. I would also like for him to know that I have a house of my own, of course, that depends on the latter. I worry that none of this will be done before both are gone and I will have to deal with my sister in these issues.

On other notes, Jim and I are still in touch, not as frequently but with things going on with me and him helping look after a friend that had back surgery there isn't much time. I think the interest is still there. I'm looking forward to a third date and maybe a little more. Phillip is totally out of the picture. He hasn't responded to the last text or emails and had unfriended me on Facebook. Guess that means he isn't interested. Fine by me. He was too flaky for me. Tommy has reached out and communicated. I'm not ready to hang out with him again, but it was a bit of a relief to have him to talk to about my father since he went through the same thing with his mother in June of this year. I'm playing it by ear with all of them. I have other things going on now. If it works out with Jim great. If Tommy and I can be friends great. If nothing more comes of either Jim or Tommy, I'm cool with that too. I've come to learn that it is more their loss than mine. I bring a lot to the table. What to they bring?

HoHum Updates

It has been a long boring week at work. I finally got my resume to Kay Jewelers. The district manger was there but doing a store visit (one of eleven in 2 days) and didn't have the time to talk. I did get to meet him though and he said we would talk sometime next week. The store manager told me she would be in contact with me as soon as she got back the online test results I had taken. I've got my fingers crossed, hoping and praying like crazy that I can get that job! I so want to get out of Macy's before Christmas!

I stopped by my parents the last two evenings on the way home. Daddy hasn't been doing so good. Coughing, and short of breath, mostly, which leads to no sleep. He looks bad and sounds worse. I can tell my mother is worried. I know I am. Sadly, the doctor told him Monday, that the bad valve in his heart can't be operated on, because of his lungs and of course, he can't be operated on for his lungs because of them either. Bless his heart....it's just sad that nothing more can be done, except wait for the end to come. The upside is no one knows when that will be.

I thought I had found someone but alas, it doesn't seem to be panning out that way. We have talked for several hours the last 6 days. Have agreed to meet 4 of those. Phillip has canceled at the last minute every time. I did cut him a little slack given his type of work and the hours it requires and the fact he has a 12 year old son he has shared custody. But really, it makes me think he isn't that committed to meeting me in the first place if he can't even make it a priority to meet me just once. And that was his idea and he is the one that got in touch with me. Of course, he has only been split from his ex for about 6 months and every time I log into Manhunt, he is on, even when chatting with me. Maybe he has done found someone he likes better. Who knows? I tried to message him earlier and it was ignored. I'm gonna leave this one alone!

I've heard through the grapevine that Tommy has a new job. It appears he had it the last time he worked, but didn't tell me or Jessica. Apparently, he didn't want us to know according to this source. Of course I think that was the exact reason he did tell them so it would get back to us and maybe we would reach out to congratulate him and he wouldn't have to make the effort. I'm happy for him.


On the upside, I've lost another 3 pounds as of this morning for a total of 11 pounds! Woohoo! And I'm on the final stretch of my Stop Smoking campaign. I've went from 20 to 30 cigarettes a day to 9, now at 6 and hopefully tomorrow 4 and done by Friday! Wish me luck!

Working For A Living

The job with Helzberg didn't pan out. Can't say I'm surprised. It had a weird vibe to it anyway.

The manager at Kay Jewelers has been talking to me. I had casually mentioned me wanting to leave Macy's and return to a full service jewelry store and that I had worked for Kay before and even helped set up the store she works in. She took it upon herself to check my background with the company, which she said I was highly recommended and then offered to set up an interview with her district manager, who is also wanting to meet with me. Woohoo! She said there was no reason for her to interview me as far as she was concerned, just fill out two test online from home and talk with the DM. Yesterday she informed me that most likely (I'm thinking if hired, though she didn't phrase it that way) I would go to work at Carolina Place mall as an assistant manager or to the Monroe store as an assistant manger or 3rd key, depending on what happens there in the interim.

I'm very excited about this! I'm all a tingle over it! I loved working for Kay Jewelers. I would have never left had the store location I worked at not been closed down. I'm hoping for the best. Also, so far, no mention of having to pass a credit report thingy!

Just Maybe

I applied a couple of weeks ago with Helzberg Diamonds. I had spoken with the manager on the phone Friday. He asked about my experience in jewelry and such like normal. He also asked if I could pass a drug test, background check and a credit check. I told him the credit check may be iffy given I had to turn in my Saturn a couple of years ago, but no problem with the other two. Everything else is spot on so Saturday morning before going to work at Macy's, I went for an interview. Somehow the computer system, either theirs or mine scrambled my resume into such a mess, I had to completely redo the whole thing on their forms. No problem I got it fixed for them. In the meantime, the manger had a customer. Not totally unexpected on a Saturday in a mall. It took forever with them people and I finally had to leave to go to work. Soooooo......he is gonna do a credit check and let me know if we should bother to reschedule the interview. I've got my fingers crossed. I would love to get out of Macy's before Christmas with their ridiculous holiday hours.

As Usual

What a morning this has been and I haven't even got to work yet! Went for a breakfast biscuit and to add air the the front left tire. As I was pullling out of the parking lot, the tire blew out! I'm just glad it wasn't in my drive way because it slopes or on the highway and have to deal with the traffic and sweating in my work clothes. Small favors right?

I visited with my parents yesterday. Got to see my sister, youngest nephew and niece that were down for a while. We all had lunch. I had to go get gas for the tractor and add a little oil too. Daddy went with me. I think just to get out of the house. I mowed the 5 acres at the other place. Then tilled up a spot for my mother to plant turnips and cabbage.

I liked the little outing with my father. I talked to him about my money situation and how small my checks are every week. I also told him about the phone interview, which actually seem to make him happy, that I was trying to improve my income. We rode through a neighborhood that my mother keeps mentioning whenever we talk about houses for me. I told him my take on it and he agreed it probably isn't the best place to purchase. I think he is finally understanding what I've been trying to tell them all along. It's gonna take money to get what they want me to have and they are gonna have to change their expectations of what is available and where it is located. I've been looking at houses in that area for over 20 years. Now he sees what I've been trying to get them to understand. My mother still doesn't get it, but see is learning it ain't like it use to be around there.

In fact they have decided to subdivide the old place into lots to get it to move quicker. I showed them the Zillow website so they can get an idea of what the market is really like. It gives them a plethora of information to help make better decisions than just assuming they know from what they did 20 years ago. I did convince them to contact their accountant to find out the impact of subdividing verses selling it as a whole. It will cost them more in taxes, but guess they would rather do that than wait forever for the entirety to sell. We may go back to the idea of building depending on the market and what's available at that time. Who knows? Everything is so up in the air. I just want to get on with it already. As I said in an earlier post, I'm in a holding pattern and I'm desperate for some forward movement on some front.

Musing

Not sure where all the introspection is coming from lately. Guess I've reached that point that I'm not content and I'm trying to figure out why. Obviously, my parent's health have some bearing on this. The hold up with selling their old place and figuring out do we subdivide or not is a weight as well. Of course there is the whole job/money thing. I had kinda hoped working again would alleviate that and to some degree it did, just not as much as I would have liked it to. Also the waiting to hear back about the job I applied for is agonizing. I'm not as patient as I use to be nor is time standing still for me to catch up. Then there is the whole looking for a house, looking at plans thing that seems like a total waste of time, given how slow things are moving on my parent's old place. I wonder why I bother at all. And last but not least, there is Tommy. I'm treating him as a friend though that isn't what I want. Given his circumstance and state of mind, I feel it is less stress on both of us, if there were ever a chance of an "us". I don't want to miss the opportunity if it exist and is currently clouded over because of his situation. I think it would be a very sad loss to us both to dismiss it so readily, but I honestly have no clue how to approach it any other way. Usually when I find things so burdensome, I write about it to help sort it out. It doesn't make for an interesting read but it is cathartic to let it out. So here I sit, typing my little heart out, trying to make sense of it all. If something would give just a little or something just fall in to place or click, I feel everything else would domino. It would all be as it should, but no such luck as of yet. Nothing is giving at the moment. I'm stuck in the holding pattern that seems to define so much of my life. I wait. I get frustrated. I want to give up worrying about anything and everything. Then I dive in again. Maybe one day it will change but it can't happen quick enough. I may have to bitch slap it when it does show for taking so long.