Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Random Thoughts

The dating scene is growing old now. I'm leary and weary of it. I've met some nice guys, a few I actually though stood a chance of going somewhere. Atlas, nothing has manifested yet. By nothing, I mean someone to date and fall in love with. I'm disappointed but not shocked. I'm intelligent enough to know it can't be placed on a timetable nor does wishing it were so, gonna make it happen. I'm doing my best given my schedule and fiances at the moment. The schedule will only get worse from now till Christmas. Apparently, fiances will too.

Nothing is happening on the job front either. I've applied and applied to jobs and only snagged one interview out of the hundred or so resumes and job applications submitted. Not very promising at all. I had hope to be out of Macy's before Christmas this year. It isn't shaping up that way.

Money is still tight. I still have to ask for a few bucks from my mother it seems weekly. I'm just gonna have to lay it all out with her and hope she can and will help righten the boat. The way it is now, there is nothing I'm current on. I can't get from one week to the next with enough money to cover expenses much less anything extra. I've bounced more checks and paid more late fees in the last 4 months than I have in my entire life. Hence why I'm short ever week it seems. My rarely $300 checks just don't leave much breathing room. No raise this year didn't help either.

Since the break in, I worry about my mother more than I ever did. I wish I didn't have to burden her with my problems. She has enough things going on as it is. She has adapted y well in the six months since my father passed. She still misses him and I'm sure always will till she is gone. There are one or two estate things left to settle and at least that will be out of the way. I wish the old place would sell! That would alleviate so much stress for both of us.

My little trailer is slowly falling apart. I have no money to fix anything and don't want to ask my mother for the money for repairs and catching up bills. The front storm door handle is broken. I can close it from the inside but not reopen it from outside. I've been propping a heavy board against it when I leave so I can get back in. There is a hellious leak under the trailer. I actually turn the water to the trailer on and off as needed. It has damaged the sub floor in several areas. I can feel the ripples when I walk. The toilet and window still need fixing as well as the hole in the bedroom floor. None have ever been repaired. The roof needs to be painted/sealed. My father had discussed it before he passed, but we never got to it with all that was going on. No way in hell, would I ask someone here to hang out.

My jewelry is still in the pawn shop, even the two pieces I had managed to get out in January are back in. I'm worried to death I'm gonna lose it. I'm behind 2 payments but so far, they have been really sweet about working with me. I'm doing my best to hang on till something good happens monetarily. I would hate to lose $15,000 worth of jewelry for a loan of only $600....It makes me physically ill whenever I think about it. But what else can I do?

So I'm hanging on, barely, struggling like so many others, who may be in worse shape than me. I do what I can for myself and my mother. And try not to worry about the rest. I apply for a job when I find one and hope I get lucky. When I have an extra buck or two, I buy  a lottery ticket and hope lady luck smiles on me in a big way. Right now, it would be nice to know exactly when all this will be settled and my mother and I  both can move forward.....


Russ Manley said...

Bless you buddy. Been there. But you got to hang in and be strong for your mom now.

Ur-spo said...

Keep going, and you will realize you have gotten out of this matter.

Dream Weaver Hit Counter
Hughes Net Satellite Internet