Sunday, April 29, 2012

Soul Mates

Really? From my understanding, supposedly, everyone has one, whether they meet them or not or wind up with them or not. I can't say that I don't believe in them or that I whole heartily do either. I'm open to the concept and find the romantic connotation intriguing. It would be really cool if that were truly the case. Of course, I think putting too much emphasis on finding one would make anyone less feel like settling, when I don't think that would be the case if you were deeply in love and committed to someone.

A coworker asked me what I thought about the concept and I responded with the above, more or less. My best friend and I were probably very close to being soul mates. Our friendship was uncanny in many ways. I did love him, just not romantically. And sad to say, even that may have worked out if we had chosen to go there.

I think there is something to deep connections with another person. It can seem almost destined. I don't believe it will be struggle free. Life throws too many curve balls for anything to be too easy breezy. However, I think those connections are undeniable whether fully understood or expressed. It's a deep feeling, beyond gut level, toward something molecular almost. Maybe instinct or psychic or something akin or a blend of all the above. But it certainly feels real.

I've met and worked with many people. I'm usually a great judge of character. I sense what others don't. I've become close friends with coworkers in the past that others didn't like for some reason. Once they were around them more their opinions changed. I never discount anyone as a friend, potential date, etc, until I get to know them. People can be very surprising. And I like surprises. I have learned a lot by being open to people without the judging them, quickly or otherwise.

Some people you met you have an instant feeling of being connected to. Others that develops over time. Some you like and you don't exactly know why. Others, it's like you have known them forever. I have had many in all categories. Still, life can get in the way of seeing what will ultimately becomes of these. I try to make an effort for as long as I can. I don't wanna miss a thing, especially my soul mate.

Hanging On

Not much has really changed around here since the last post. I have exceeded my fundraising goal thanks to my generous blogger buddies and various high school friends.

I have lost a few more pounds but still away from my target weight. I have redoubled my efforts at exercising more regularly and for longer as well as tenaciously sticking to my diet. Hopefully, all the effort will spell success in the near future.

My mother's bereavement class seems to be helping some. Family and friends thus far have continued to be very supportive by visiting and planning small outings through out the month.

I still call two or three times a day, stop by on early days from work and spend my days off at her house doing whatever needs to be done. We have a certain routine now. A more stable work schedule would help a bit more.

I'm applying for jobs, the few I find, that are closer to home. The money for the most part  is about the same, but the hours and commute is better. Hopefully that will translate into more money in my pocket, even without an outright raise in salary.

The holding pattern continues.....


Friday, April 20, 2012

Sincerest Thanks

I would like to take a moment to thank those that have donated for the AIDS Walk this year.

  • Michael Rockwell
  • Kelly Stern
  • Anne Marie
  • Deborah Huffman
  • Sean Donohue 
  • Stanley Kozak 
  • Lorrie Linn

Thank you all so much for your generous donations!
AIDS Walk Charlotte 2012

Tombstone

Somewhere angels rejoice
A tear falls quietly on a pillow.
A sob is softly stifled.
The end of one journey
The beginning of another
Moments frozen in time
Etched in heart and mind
Nothing fleeting
Nothing ethereal
If I sat on your tombstone
Would you speak to me?

Two Months

Yep, it has been two months already since my father passed away. It still seems a bit unreal, but the reality is slowly sinking in. As we wrap up the lose ends, it becomes a much sharper reality and harder to ignore that he is really gone. My mother is handling it as well as can be expected after 55 years of marriage. She has or is in the process of wrapping up all the legal stuff that needs to be dealt with. Today she is attending the auction of the house my grandmother left my father. Hopefully that will go well and she and my aunt will see a tidy profit after expenses. I've cleaned out my father's truck and at some point it will be detailed and ready for sale. That was difficult, but had to be done. My mother has begun attending a bereavement class at Hospice. Hopefully, that will help her in ways I cannot. We are just taking it one day at a time, one issue at a time. After all is finished and settled, she has mentioned she will get her affairs in better order to save my sister and I the same trouble she has had with the patchwork of legal things either delayed or overlooked. Hopefully, in the interim, their "old" house will be sold. That will be one less thing to worry about and take care of. Then maybe there will be some definitive forward progress for sure. Currently, I'm searching for a better job, closer to home, with better pay and hours. I would just be more comfortable knowing I'm closer to my mother if she needed me, instead of almost an hour away at work. Of course, more money would help, especially when I get a house. (Hopefully, soon.) A more stable schedule would make it easier to do things with/for my mother and provide a better chance of a social life for me as well. Overall, I guess things are coming together rather well all things considered.

Monday, April 9, 2012

2012 AIDS Walk Charlotte



For the third year I will be joining the AIDS Walk
to benefit R.A.I.N.,
(Regional AIDS Interfaith Network).
They provide many services and help raise
AIDS awareness.
Please donate to this worthy cause if you can.
Every little bit helps.
AIDS Walk Charlotte 2012
Thank you so much!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Scream

I scream inside
From anguish
of that which is now gone
Of frustration and loss
Easing temporarily
the pain
the suffering
the hurt
the vacancy in my heart

I scream inside
no lasting change
I still ache
I still long
I still need
No one rushes to my rescue
Nothing fills the void

I scream inside
till nothing is left
consumed by emptiness
my soul echoes with woe

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