Well, the doctor says I have a few more years left in me. I have a bacterial infection in my intestines and a sinus infection thrown in for good measure. She prescribed some antibiotics and ask to come back in two weeks for a follow up. That was $97 plus whatever the prescriptions cost. Also if the problem persist, then some other test$ will be needed. Overall, I guess I should be happy about it. It could be worse. Guess, I can make it to the reunion tonight after all. I'd hate to miss all those old people tonight.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
I'm at the point where I take a look at my life and evaluate it. To sum up my findings, it sucks. It is nothing like I dreamt it would be. No where even close. Aside from all the dead friends, the failed college courses, and living in a mobile home way longer than planned, my life is no where near the deeply satisfying, exciting thing I had in mind. While things may be in the pipeline, and that's all well and fine, my social life has been seriously lacking for a decade now. I have developed such a crappy self image, that regardless of how badly I want to go out to do something, anything, I don't want to be seen in my present, bloated, unemployed, loser state. It's just too much to bear. In a way, Facebook has helped. I have reconnected with some old friends that had slipped away. Blogging has helped me form some new friends/acquaintances. But still there is something missing. The real face to face interaction with a real flesh and blood human being. Nothing can replace that. Over the last 10 years, I've isolated myself from people, hoping to heal from all the deaths of friends, forgive and forget wrongdoings by those I loved, trusted or admired, only to find myself still in that pattern, if not deeper in. No one meets my expectations. No one can be the friend to me that I want to be to them. All the other self loathing aspects of my personality, makes these shortcomings seem worse. No wonder I never smile. I have nothing to smile about. There isn't friends calling with invites or knocking on my door to hang out. There isn't enough money to take care of everything I want or need to do. I'm totally lost at how to make friends these days. It seemed so simple when I was younger. I'm embarrassed to have people know where I live and what I drive. I don't want to be seen as the fat middleaged fag I am, yet I crave amorous attention. I haven't been touched by another in over five years. I'm fat, unemployed, trailer park trash with nothing to offer someone. I would like to think it is because our gay culture is so shallow, but honestly, it's just me.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sadly, we have lost MJ and Farrah, even Ed this week. I enjoyed each in their own way. They will be missed.
It's about time for school to start back. I've got to register for classes next week so I get the ones I need. I hope the coming semester is better than the last two.
I'm taking my diet seriously now. I've had my pants altered for the last time. I stocked the freezer with Lean Cuisine and the refrigerator with bottled water. I've had it with not being able to wear my fabulous clothes because they no longer fit.
The renovations are finished at my parent's place. We have been working on the landscaping, since my mother rushed to purchase plants that needed a home. We are close to wrapping that up and can restart clearing my property. Woohoo!
My doctor's appointment is Tuesday afternoon. My problem has still persisted but not at the level it was originally. Thankfully, but there is still something not quite right going on and I'm gonna find out what it is.
Also, we are having an impromptu reunion for my high school Tuesday night. Unless I'm dead, I plan on being there. I hope they remember me. Maybe I'll have dropped a couple of pounds and can wear something decent.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
I'm not one to complain about ailments or aches and pains, either on this blog or in real life. I rarely get sick, except mentally, so when something persist for more than a few days, I become concerned. Originally, I thought the new medication was the culprit, so 2 weeks ago I stopped taking it. The problem continued. I haven't restarted the old medication in case it was masking some symptoms I wasn't aware of. Both medications should be completely out of my system by now, but the problem persist, albeit, not as sever as it once was. I have always had a funny stomach. Most things don't bother, hence I can and do eat just about anything. Occasionally, I will have a spat of constipation or diarrhea, but it never last more than a day or two at most. Once in a while, shortly after eating, I'll have a sudden urge to go, but never thought much about it. Gassy and bloated, yep, very often, regardless of what I eat. The last month though, my stomach has been in a near constant state of upset, as well as very dark, almost black and hard to believe very foul smelling. That's a very long time for this to be going on. My previous medication's side effect was constipation, so now with that out of my system for a month, I guess my system is unhindered. Also, I have been lethargic, despite enough sleep and naps. I thought it was because of the heat and hard work, though it persist even when I haven't been in either. I have set up a doctor's appointment for next Tuesday. Hopefully, it isn't anything serious, but just to be on the safe side.