Thursday, December 29, 2011
- Daddy developed lung cancer
- Daddy was in the hospital twice for pneumonia
- My great Aunt Ona passed
- My Uncle Russell passed
- My Uncle R.B. passed
- No offers on my parent's old place
- I pawned all my jewelry to just pay bills
- I was moved from Fine Jewelry department to Watches/Accessories
- My transmission will not stay in drive
- My power has been turned off twice
- Tommy has issues
- Phillip can't commit to anything apparently
- Jim hasn't taken much initiative in things
- I've only had a few paycheck to break $300
- I scratched my eyeball in my sleep and had to go the the ER
- I need glasses that even with insurance I can't afford
- I had to replace the floor in the bathroom
- I still have a hole in the floor of the bedroom
- My toilet still doesn't work properly
- Now there is a leak in the shower
- I'm still broke and single
- I'm still overweight
- I did get one piece of jewelry out of the pawn shop
- I still have my job
- I still have a place to live
- I still have a car to drive
- Neither of my parents are dead yet
- I'm not dead yet
- I still have my wonderful dog Izzy to come home too
- My health is fine
- I did lose a few pounds over the year
2012 had better be nice to me before I snap!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
I've lost many friends, fifteen to be exact, that I was close to and some not so close. I've lost all four of my grandparents. As well as, 2 Uncles and a great Aunt this year alone. So suffice it to say, I know something about loss and grieving. I realize it is a different process for each individual. I know there are stages to mourning and coming to terms with a loss. I know there isn't a definite time frame for it to subside. All I can speak to is how the process went for me.
There is always the sadness, no matter how close or distant the person was to you, or for how long you may have known them. There is the sense of loss, that there is a place left empty in your life that they once filled. There is the time spent crying even after you think the process has long since ended. There are the flood of memories that seem to keep you on the edge of tears, sometimes for years. There are the times of the year that are associated with certain people. Certain places too. There are words, phrases, movies, commercials, songs, you name it, that will bring back memories and the sadness and that void will resurface. Honestly, I can say it never goes away. Ever. It will fade and become more infrequent as time passes. The profound sadness will slowly be replaced with comfortable melancholy followed by a warm, fuzzy feeling of nostalgia. But it never leaves you completely. Just as their lives ended, you begin to realize the impact they made on yours. The subtle things you remember. Their likes and dislikes, shared jokes, and all those memories you made together will suddenly have become like little life preservers. There when you need them the most in some event that you wish the person was present for and it will somehow seem ok again.
In my experiences, I cried a lot and often but mostly it was a deep feeling of loss. I cried till I had a headache. I cried till I ran out of tears. I cried till I fell asleep. I knew I had lost something special from my life. I had the feelings of anger and regret. The times you wanted to scream at their passing and then laugh uncontrollably at something you recall about a time shared. Mostly I got through it by talking about it to others. Sometimes even myself out loud at home. I wrote about it in a journal. I wrote poems. I didn't keep it in. I expressed it and shared it. In doing so, it helped the loneliness I felt, the bitterness at their departure and the constant reminder of those absences of those that passed. It helped clear the air in a way and certainly my mind. I was strong when needed but allowed myself the privilege of letting go and letting someone else help with the burden. It still took as long as it was going to take. No way that I know to speed that up.
With each death, I learned something new about myself and my relationship with that person. The most valuable lesson was how to live myself. I now take more pictures. Take more time for conversation. Take more time for anything that involves another person I'm close too. I learned how to be unselfish with myself because my friends and family need me, even for something as small as a quick conversation or a major project. I learned all to well you never know when it could be the last time you see them. It could be the last conversation you have with them or the last time you said hello or goodbye. I make more of an effort at maintaining friendships. I let a lot of things slide with friends that maybe I shouldn't, but they will never know. Friendships and family mean that much to me. I go the extra distance if need be. I don't want regrets for something I didn't do or say. (I had a few of those to deal with. ) I want to look back from now on and know I didn't stop living because they are gone. I truly live now after their passing in their honor. I try to make everyday count, no matter how small the scale may be. Everything matters to someone, sometime, somewhere, somehow, whether you are aware of it at that moment, whether you are in the mood for it. I didn't stop living, or put my life on hold to grieve. I carried on and did what I could and never let it stop me. It was just another item on my to do list. So if I can, I make the effort, regardless of my frame of mind or what ever else I may be personally dealing with. My friends and family are just that important to me. Someday that may very will be a defining moment in your friendship and one of your fondest memories when they are gone. Cause even in their passing, they never really leave you.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
I didn’t want to see you naked. I wanted to admire your masculine beauty.
I didn’t want to have sex with you. I wanted to make love to you.
I didn't want to intrude upon your life. I wanted to take care of you.
I didn’t expect to bond so deeply with someone, but I did.
I didn’t expect you to fulfill my every need, but you were a friend.
I didn’t expect to miss you so much, but I do.
I didn’t expect to ache at the loss, but knowing it doesn’t effect you the same, makes my soul scream.
I don’t suspect it will subside any time soon but I soldier on in hopes it does.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
After working 11:30 pm till 9:30 am on Thanksgiving night/ Black Friday morning just to take advantage of the time and a half, 10% shift differential, and the holiday pay, it increased my paycheck by $15.90. It appears the time and a half only applied to the hour between 11pm and 12am and the 10% shift differential only from the hours of 12am till 4am. The holiday pay barely made up for the extra day off I was given that week. Thanks Macy's!
Monday, November 28, 2011
- Overweight by 20 pounds/ But I did lose 75 pounds
- Very hairy / But I do keep it trimmed and shaved
- Mentally and emotional strong / But I can be hurt
- A very good friend / But I can be driven away
- Not in perfect shape / But I do have some muscles
- Broke most of the time / But I do have a job
- Not needy or lonely / But I do like to hang out or chat
- Intelligent / But still feel stupid sometimes
- Loyal / But realize when being mistreated or taken advantage of
- Not living large / But I do inherit a trust fund
- Generous with my time / But not gonna make all the effort
- Not a good time charlie or fair weather friend / But there if needed
- Sweet and caring / But can be a bitch if pushed
- Well adjusted / But still have a few things that will set me off
- A great communicator / But I can be secretive
- Forgiving / But I don’t forget
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
For Thanksgiving tomorrow, I hope that everyone can find at least one small thing in their life to be thankful for and one great thing that made you who you are today. Thanksgiving isn't about the food, but the people who surround us everyday. Those we count as friend, coworker, neighbor or family. Those are the blessings in life, not the things we possess. Wishing all my blogger friends, a very Happy Thanksgiving.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Falling leaves drift slowly to the ground
Barren trees standing silently in place
The melancholy of it all.
I think of happier times, happier places
knowing I can never return there again
Things have changed
Too many pieces of the happy missing from the puzzle of joy.
Profound loss, deep sadness saturate my being
There is no halting where life is heading
No stopping the march of time
Along for the ride, like it or not, ready or not.
I know what is coming and my soul aches.
Out the window, blankly I stare.
For at this moment, that is all I can do.
Friday, November 18, 2011
From Spo, the dear.
1. How old were you when you knew you were gay?
About 5. Always knew there was something special about the boys!
2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex?
Nope, never will either.
3. Who was the first person you came out to?
Not sure exactly. Don't recall ever being really "in".
4. Are you out to your family?
5. Do you want children?
No. When I was younger, I would have considered it.
6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends?
About evenly split.
7. Were you out in school?
Once again, not really in, but I didn't place it on a billboard either.
8. Is your best friend the same sex as you?
9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with them?
10. Have you ever done crystal meth?
11. Have you ever been in a sling?
12. Have you ever done a 3-way?
13. Have you ever dressed in drag?
When I was about 12. Fooled even my grandparents, but that was before the mustache.
14. Would you date a drag queen?
Nope. Not enough closet space.
15. Are you ‘fixed in your ways’ as it were?
16. Cher or Bette?
17. Have you dated someone of a different ethnicity?
Dated, no. Tricked, yes.
18. Been to Fire Island? Saugatuck? Key West? Ft. Lauderdale? Palm Springs?
No to all.
19. How many Madonna CDs do you own?
20. Name of your first love?
21. Do you still talk to them?
22. Does size matter?
23. Biggest turn on?
Kindness and intellect.
24. Biggest turn off?
Attitude. (agree with Spo on this one)
25. Ever been harassed due to your orientation?
Called names but quickly quelched that.
26. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you?
Music choices. Love a danceable tune.
27. Ever been to a pride rally?
28. Would you marry if you could?
Yes. Already planned it, just gotta find the man :)
29. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful?
Rich and smart. Money can make me beautiful and youth is wasted.
30. Do you sculpt your eyebrows?
31. Do you trim your body hair?
Trim occasionally, not shave, except for the back.
32. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?
Yep, long ago.
33. Ever been to an orgy?
Yep, not my cup of tea.
34. Which character in “The Women” best reflects you?
Have no idea about this. Whichever one is the most fabulous.
35. Favorite gay expression ?
The word ‘fabulous”! (agree with Spo on this too.)
36. How may ‘ex’ do you have?
37. Do you believe in fairies?
I believe in all magical creatures and good men as well. They are just hard to find.
38. Do you have any tattoos?
Yep, three of them.
39. Do you have any piercings?
40. Would you date a smoker?
Yep, as long as it isn't pot, crack or some other illicit drug.
41. If you are male, do you know many lesbians?
Yep, a few.
42. Do you know anyone who has died from HIV?
About 15 at last count. So sad.
43. Are you part of a gay organization?
Not any more. Don't have the time.
44. Is your gym cruisy?
Don't belong to a gym currently, but if I join one, that is a must!
45. Grinder or Scruff?
46. Are your best years behind or in front of you?
God, I hope it gets better from here on out.
47. Got Porn?
48. Make out music?
Anything that fits the mood and location.
49. Ever been in love with a straight guy?
50. Did you ever have sex with him?
51. Have you ever been to a nude beach?
Nope, on my bucket list.
52. Have you ever been to a bath house?
53. Ever had sex in public?
54. What gay gene did you miss out?
Tidiness......I hate to clean a house.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The hope now faded.
There is no turning back from this.
It's grip too strong.
It's heels dug in deep.
Nothing more can be done.
Sadness colors everything.
Everything you do.
Everything you think.
There is no escaping.
Just this moment.
Wondering if there will be another.
A final countdown that no one knows when will end.
Will it be sudden?
Or stretched to torturous lengths?
Will there be much pain?
There will be many tears.
More than can be counted.
The end is coming.
It is closer than it should be.
They arrive too slowly and depart too quickly.
Something to give, to change
Just be different.
Everyday the same
Eat, Sleep, Work.
Where's the love?
More bills than paycheck.
More effort than returns.
It gets better they say.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
On other notes, Jim and I are still in touch, not as frequently but with things going on with me and him helping look after a friend that had back surgery there isn't much time. I think the interest is still there. I'm looking forward to a third date and maybe a little more. Phillip is totally out of the picture. He hasn't responded to the last text or emails and had unfriended me on Facebook. Guess that means he isn't interested. Fine by me. He was too flaky for me. Tommy has reached out and communicated. I'm not ready to hang out with him again, but it was a bit of a relief to have him to talk to about my father since he went through the same thing with his mother in June of this year. I'm playing it by ear with all of them. I have other things going on now. If it works out with Jim great. If Tommy and I can be friends great. If nothing more comes of either Jim or Tommy, I'm cool with that too. I've come to learn that it is more their loss than mine. I bring a lot to the table. What to they bring?
Sadly, they will be celebrating from the hospital this time. My father was admitted Monday due to the pneumonia returning. He is doing much better and should be released Friday or Saturday. I purchased a gift and a card for him to give my mother and placed in his room last night for this morning. (Of course he reimbursed me.) They have had a rough year and a half, but I look at them and wish I had that deep of a love with someone. They are my inspiration in everything I do.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
****Update....Phillip just canceled plans an hour before I was suppose to be at his house.****
This Saturday I'm going out with Jim. We are going to a party in Winston Salem. I'm looking forward to the party and to seeing him again. I can't wait to hug and kiss him too! Our parting hug after we left the restaurant last Sunday was wonderful. Very compatible physically. Our conversation was great too. That was one of the reasons I invited him to go. I knew the drive down and back would give us more time to learn about the other. I've spoken and emailed with him several times since the dinner. I'm quite happy thinking about him. Even a bit more tingly than with Phillip. I'll just have to wait to see how it goes.
*** Jim has a late appointment Saturday and can't make it. Damn! I'm disappointed***
Monday, October 10, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I did finally met Phillip and his son Friday evening. He came by the store to surprise me and purchased two watches as well. He is handsome and tall. His son is gonna be heartbreaker when he gets older. For all the hours we have chatted and text we exchanged, he seems a bit too aloof for me. Maybe because he has a preteen to contend with or maybe the pressure of his job, but whatever it is, I do want a little more attention, at least in the start, than he is providing. Answering emails about plans he suggested would be a nice start. Unlike Jim, he needs some follow through. If we met again, then great. If not, no worries.
I'm putting myself out there for anyone and everyone. If I'm interested, I'll pursue, if not keep on moving. I'm not gonna get what I want with you- know- who, so I need to launch a campaign to find one who can. Look out world, here I come!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I stopped by my parents the last two evenings on the way home. Daddy hasn't been doing so good. Coughing, and short of breath, mostly, which leads to no sleep. He looks bad and sounds worse. I can tell my mother is worried. I know I am. Sadly, the doctor told him Monday, that the bad valve in his heart can't be operated on, because of his lungs and of course, he can't be operated on for his lungs because of them either. Bless his heart....it's just sad that nothing more can be done, except wait for the end to come. The upside is no one knows when that will be.
I thought I had found someone but alas, it doesn't seem to be panning out that way. We have talked for several hours the last 6 days. Have agreed to meet 4 of those. Phillip has canceled at the last minute every time. I did cut him a little slack given his type of work and the hours it requires and the fact he has a 12 year old son he has shared custody. But really, it makes me think he isn't that committed to meeting me in the first place if he can't even make it a priority to meet me just once. And that was his idea and he is the one that got in touch with me. Of course, he has only been split from his ex for about 6 months and every time I log into Manhunt, he is on, even when chatting with me. Maybe he has done found someone he likes better. Who knows? I tried to message him earlier and it was ignored. I'm gonna leave this one alone!
I've heard through the grapevine that Tommy has a new job. It appears he had it the last time he worked, but didn't tell me or Jessica. Apparently, he didn't want us to know according to this source. Of course I think that was the exact reason he did tell them so it would get back to us and maybe we would reach out to congratulate him and he wouldn't have to make the effort. I'm happy for him.
On the upside, I've lost another 3 pounds as of this morning for a total of 11 pounds! Woohoo! And I'm on the final stretch of my Stop Smoking campaign. I've went from 20 to 30 cigarettes a day to 9, now at 6 and hopefully tomorrow 4 and done by Friday! Wish me luck!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The manager at Kay Jewelers has been talking to me. I had casually mentioned me wanting to leave Macy's and return to a full service jewelry store and that I had worked for Kay before and even helped set up the store she works in. She took it upon herself to check my background with the company, which she said I was highly recommended and then offered to set up an interview with her district manager, who is also wanting to meet with me. Woohoo! She said there was no reason for her to interview me as far as she was concerned, just fill out two test online from home and talk with the DM. Yesterday she informed me that most likely (I'm thinking if hired, though she didn't phrase it that way) I would go to work at Carolina Place mall as an assistant manager or to the Monroe store as an assistant manger or 3rd key, depending on what happens there in the interim.
I'm very excited about this! I'm all a tingle over it! I loved working for Kay Jewelers. I would have never left had the store location I worked at not been closed down. I'm hoping for the best. Also, so far, no mention of having to pass a credit report thingy!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I did 3 sets of 5 exercises this morning and had my heart rate up. Of course my warm up cardio was cleaning the room up! I broke a sweat and I can feel it now! I'm gonna do it! No more whining about being fat or having clothes that don't fit! I'm gonna be damn fine for next summer. I have tried dieting alone, which did help me go from 252 to 192, but still wasn't enough. Since working, I got back up to 210. This morning I weighted in at 208. This time, I'm gonna do it and keep doing it till they put me in the ground!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
What is up with fisting? Really? Why would you want someones arm up your ass? How can that possible feel good whatsoever? Why put your health at risk or even you life for what exactly? It makes no sense to me.
What is up with pissing as well? Unless you have a contingency problem, I see no reason to piss on someone. Nothing about that turns me on at all. In fact, I think I would knock the crap of someone if they did it intentionally.
Uniforms, leather and the assorted sports gear I get. Clothing, environment, etc., can be very erotic with the right person or situation. Still not sure about spending all that money on it though, but if you can afford, have the closet space, have at it.
I prefer old fashion making love. Not fast and furious. Not relying on props and such, and certainly not worrying about if I need drawstrings installed in my ass when we are through. Give me someone who can hold me tight, kiss me tenderly and make sure the experience is memorable for all the right reasons and I'll have my U-Haul pack for the next visit. Simple, run of the mill, everyday sex is enough for me with the person I care about. Not a stranger or a group of them doing things I would never care to repeat or talk about to my closest friends. I'm very vanilla but passionate. Is that too much to ask these days?
Friday, September 2, 2011
Is there something wrong with me that makes me unsought after romantically?
I'm I too friendly? Too caring? Too polite? Too nice?
Too fat? Too short? Too hairy?
Too poor? Don't drive the right car? Don't live in the right neighborhood?
Just what the fuck exactly makes me undate-able and uninteresting to other men?
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
While I realize this blog has many loyal followers, which I appreciate, this blog does not reflect my life in it's entirety. There are many parts of it, in fact, about 90% of my life prior to me starting the blog in September 2008, that my readers know nothing about. I've shared a few things from my past but not all. I elude to things and how they use to be. To say this blog is a 100% true reflection of my entire life would be erroneous. After reading a comment on my previous post, I'm left with the impression that maybe by leaving so much out, my readers don't know me as well as they would like to think based on just these blog entries. I've ran across this before from another post and comment by another follow blogger, which I addressed privately. Since this is the second time, I figured I would make this one public.
Prior to 2008, my life was going pretty well. I had money and a job doing something I enjoyed. Before 2005, I was at the top of my game as far as income was concerned. I made more than I spent, but was still able to indulge in clothes, jewelry, antiques, artwork, china, crystal and whatever else I wanted. I never had trouble paying bills or had to ask my parents for money for the last decade or more. I was a big boy finally. I took classes to improve my job skills just because. I did volunteer work for Hospice. I still give to charities even in these stressing times, though not as much obviously. And let's not forget the AIDS Walk fundraiser for the last two years, as mentioned here before. Even though I had lost so many of my friends and my ex, I was regrouping. I was learning new skills, meeting new people, doing stuff I enjoyed and had even gotten into the best shape of my life.
What happened you may ask? Life happened. It started with another round of depression. It happened when the well paying job ended because the store location was closed. It happened because my grandfather broke his hip. It happened because nothing good last forever. There is no one certain, defining moment when I can say it all began to slip away. While I still have just about everything left from those times except the money, my parents and I both became older. Thus far, it has taken a bigger toll on them, than me.
The point I'm hoping to make is this: Yes, my parents are going to buy me a house because I can not. My parents will leave me with a trust fund when they are gone. I am by no means spoiled or privileged. I have worked since I was 16. I have always had my own money and a job (even if it sucked or was low paying. I'd work my way up or move to greener pastures when I had the opportunity). So many years with an alcoholic drug addict and a declining economy has taken it toll. I'm not selfish by any stretch. I have had many friends stay free of charge with me over the years or given them money when needed. I've driven 50 miles round trip to make sure friends could get to work and back when they had no transportation. I've listened to countless hours of woe from friends and coworkers. I've helped friends move, build, start a business, etc. countless times, every time they have needed me. Now they are all gone. I'm starting over on all fronts at 46. I don't expect people to do for me all that I've done in the past or willing to to do now for a friend. I'm left alone, with a poor paying job in a crappy economy, and elderly ailing parents, while my sister travels, swims in her pool, and visits once a month. I'm the one that needs someone to listen. Maybe even borrow $20 bucks occasionally. There is no one except my parents. And I'm certainly not waiting for them to die before I start living. I'm doing the best I can, with what I have, in this situation. Sometimes it works out. Sometimes it don't. And yes, I'm bored. I have no money to entertain my self with. And few friends I can trouble for company when lonely. But more importantly I'm frustrated at it all. I can only wish to be spoiled or have friends as good as I have been to mine in the past. There were times when I gave so much of myself there was nothing left, but I would gladly do it again if the need arose.
This blog is more about releasing my frustrations and disappointments than a complete anthology of my life. It is meant for me to express the things I have no flesh and blood person to help me work through. Years of therapy and self improvement books have taught me it is needed to be healthy mentally and to keep depression at bay. I ask my readers to understand that. The blog is not the entirety of me or my life in any way.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
I visited with my parents yesterday. Got to see my sister, youngest nephew and niece that were down for a while. We all had lunch. I had to go get gas for the tractor and add a little oil too. Daddy went with me. I think just to get out of the house. I mowed the 5 acres at the other place. Then tilled up a spot for my mother to plant turnips and cabbage.
I liked the little outing with my father. I talked to him about my money situation and how small my checks are every week. I also told him about the phone interview, which actually seem to make him happy, that I was trying to improve my income. We rode through a neighborhood that my mother keeps mentioning whenever we talk about houses for me. I told him my take on it and he agreed it probably isn't the best place to purchase. I think he is finally understanding what I've been trying to tell them all along. It's gonna take money to get what they want me to have and they are gonna have to change their expectations of what is available and where it is located. I've been looking at houses in that area for over 20 years. Now he sees what I've been trying to get them to understand. My mother still doesn't get it, but see is learning it ain't like it use to be around there.
In fact they have decided to subdivide the old place into lots to get it to move quicker. I showed them the Zillow website so they can get an idea of what the market is really like. It gives them a plethora of information to help make better decisions than just assuming they know from what they did 20 years ago. I did convince them to contact their accountant to find out the impact of subdividing verses selling it as a whole. It will cost them more in taxes, but guess they would rather do that than wait forever for the entirety to sell. We may go back to the idea of building depending on the market and what's available at that time. Who knows? Everything is so up in the air. I just want to get on with it already. As I said in an earlier post, I'm in a holding pattern and I'm desperate for some forward movement on some front.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
- Dogs love unconditionally.
- If a dog is upset with you, you know why and it makes sense.
- Dogs don't lie.
- Dogs are affectionate.
- Dogs are faithful to the very end.
- Dogs don't cheat on you.
- Dogs will always check up on you.
- Dogs can't get close enough to you.
- If a dog has issues, they are easier to fix.
- Dogs are easier to train.
- You always know where you stand with a dog.
- You always know the dog will come back.
- Dogs are always glad to see you whether gone for 30 minutes or 10 hours.
- A dog is better at reading your moods.
- A dog will let you know it's needs.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
There's just something about you
and I like it
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I have applied for a full time position with a small local jewelry store. I did a phone interview about 2 weeks ago. The sales manager seemed to be impressed with my knowledge and experience. I called last week to get a status update. Hopefully I will hear something this week. It would be great if I could get it. It is about half the commute and the schedule is 9 to 6 Tuesday through Saturday, closed Sunday and Monday, without the weird, useless extended hours that Macy's does routinely. It would be great to be back selling fine jewelry. I have my fingers crossed.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
I look more for characteristics and qualities than physical type. That is a little harder to spot without taking the time to get to know someone. Not saying there aren't types that get my attention, but keeping it and wanting something more is a different story.
- Honesty, Respect, Intellect, Conversation, Active, Romantic, Humor, Grooming, Dress, Industrious, Loyal, Faithful, and Goal driven.
Those are the characteristics and qualities I look for in a guy. To me, the physical is too temporal to count for much more than initial attraction. Men get fat or skinny, they wrinkle and sag, lose hair or it changes color, the complexion gets splotchy, sex drive wanes or the equipment doesn't function properly and of course health issues through disease or accident can change the physical form. Who the guy is, what his beliefs are, etc., may evolve but are usually, for the majority, consistent through their life. That is what is hardest to find. Someone that is as far along the journey as me, with all the things I'm looking for in a guy that shares a mutual attraction.
I like men. I can be attracted to more than one "type". I'm not as concerned with the waist line as much as I am if they are reasonably healthy for their age and build. I'm not concerned with hair, whether it's grey, black, brown, blond, red or bald or balding or some permutation thereof, or eye color being whatever it may be, with or without contacts or glasses. As for other physical traits, I do want them to be my height (5'8") or taller, thought exceptions could possibly be made if everything else were there. Their physical build isn't that important either. I like 'em all if everything else comes together nicely. As far as, other attributes, well, I'm not a size queen, but I can be impressed or scared as the case may be. I don't worry much about that area either. (I don't care about whether they are a top or bottom or versatile either, as long as they like sex, we will work it out.)
I'm not concerned with where they live, what they drive, how much money they make, what they do to earn a living, what social circles they inhabit. None of that bothers me if they have the characteristics and qualities I look for and there is a mutual attraction. Sometimes I can't but wonder if maybe my net is cast too wide, but I'm certainly not excluding too many guys from the dating pool.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Jessica, Kevin and myself did go out for martinis Thursday after work. Yes Tommy was invited but didn't join us. We went to a Mexican restaurant. It was wonderful. Had a great time hanging out and sweating on the patio. The drinks were great and on special. The bartender was adorable but married. The conversation was wonderful as always. It was a very enjoyable evening without spending a fortune. Hopefully we can all get back there soon.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Don’t play games with my affection or friendship.
Don’t intentionally hurt or use me.
Do give me the respect and consideration I have shown you.
Do let me know you care in word or deed.
Do give me an honest chance for both of our happiness.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
“From the beginning I was enchanted with you. You cast your spell and I fell hard. Not a day since has past without you on my mind. Your tease, your flirts keep me trapped and wishing. I gasp at the sight of you. My heart races when you draw near. I feel my skin flush at your touch. Such an achingly beautiful man you are, inside and out. My soul screams out for it’s mate. Our hugs are never long enough. They only satiate for a short time, then I’m craving more. Eyes that twinkle and a smile that illuminates a room, have lead me to want you more everyday. The mere thought of you being sad or troubled nearly cripples me. I want to protect you, love you, shelter you. I want to be the only one you will ever need. I want to complete you the way you have completed me. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. I’d lay down my life for you, if need be. My life, my soul, my heart are not complete without you. Let me love you the way you need to be loved in the way that only I can. Smile for me. Hug me. Love me. And I’ll give you the world.”
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
- Personal insults in retiliation
- Carelessness that results in a loss of some sort
- Vindictive actions that cause regret or damage
- Losing control of one's self to any detremint
- Behaving callously with another's feelings
- Disrespecting a person, or another's property
- Tormenting a person or animal
- Abuse toward another in any shape or form
Thursday, July 28, 2011
I love it when a guy
- Hugs me from behind
- Kisses my neck or nuzzles my ear
- is playful or teases
- notice the little things about me or my life
- gives long hugs for no reason
- wants to takes pictures together
- makes the first move
- has pet names for me (and me for him)
- is affectionate
- likes to cuddle watching TV or a DVD
- looks at me that certain way that lets you know they want you and care about you
Now to find the guy that can do all this....