Disappointments

Yeah, things are going well over all, but they could still be better. The thing I'm disappointed with the most is my lack of further progress with my weight loss efforts. I've been stuck at 195 for months. I understand the reasons and don't beat myself up over them. It doesn't make it any better though. Stress, change in meal times with the new job, not always being able to eat right has me in a holding pattern I don't like. I was making such great progress, not any more. So starting Monday, I'm beginning my exercises in earnest. I have a home gym, why not use it instead of dust it? It will take a while to get into a pattern of use and a routine I like that fits with my erratic schedule. But I will be damned if I'm still gonna carry this few extra pounds into next summer.

I'm also a little disappointed on the friend/boyfriend/buddy front as well. While I have been more social as of late and really enjoyed myself, I have yet to form any truly deep friendships. They all seem so superficial. I try to be nice, show interest, etc. , but the response only seems like a courtesy. Like they are just being nice. None as I recall ask probing questions about me, while I try to learn about them. Small talk seems to always revolve around them and their drama. If I mention anything about my life, circumstance, etc., it seems to go unnoticed or quickly dismissed. I'm still trying to meet people. I haven't given up, nor will I. I would like to truly connect with a few guys, and have it be reciprocal and meaningful.

Another disappointment is the house. I'm so ready to start construction. I also know the other place hasn't sold, much less on the market yet. I know this year has been horrible as far as parental health, job searches, and multiple projects to get everything settled. I'm just sick of this damn trailer park. Sick of this trailer. Sick of being too embarrassed to invite people here. Sick of no space to put everything away and have a nice, clean, clutter free space in which to relax. It will happen. I've been told over and over, come hell or high water, I will have a house. I guess, as always the case with me, I want less talk and more action. Then I may could get excited. As a side note, with my father's current health state, it doesn't appear we will be doing any of the work on it. He just isn't able and ,well, now that I'm employed, so when ?
I realize these are trivial disappointments. I and my family have experienced much worse over the last couple of years. But it's on my mind. It annoys and troubles me. Sometimes it just feels good to bitch.