Random Thoughts

The dating scene is growing old now. I'm leary and weary of it. I've met some nice guys, a few I actually though stood a chance of going somewhere. Atlas, nothing has manifested yet. By nothing, I mean someone to date and fall in love with. I'm disappointed but not shocked. I'm intelligent enough to know it can't be placed on a timetable nor does wishing it were so, gonna make it happen. I'm doing my best given my schedule and fiances at the moment. The schedule will only get worse from now till Christmas. Apparently, fiances will too.

Nothing is happening on the job front either. I've applied and applied to jobs and only snagged one interview out of the hundred or so resumes and job applications submitted. Not very promising at all. I had hope to be out of Macy's before Christmas this year. It isn't shaping up that way.

Money is still tight. I still have to ask for a few bucks from my mother it seems weekly. I'm just gonna have to lay it all out with her and hope she can and will help righten the boat. The way it is now, there is nothing I'm current on. I can't get from one week to the next with enough money to cover expenses much less anything extra. I've bounced more checks and paid more late fees in the last 4 months than I have in my entire life. Hence why I'm short ever week it seems. My rarely $300 checks just don't leave much breathing room. No raise this year didn't help either.

Since the break in, I worry about my mother more than I ever did. I wish I didn't have to burden her with my problems. She has enough things going on as it is. She has adapted y well in the six months since my father passed. She still misses him and I'm sure always will till she is gone. There are one or two estate things left to settle and at least that will be out of the way. I wish the old place would sell! That would alleviate so much stress for both of us.

My little trailer is slowly falling apart. I have no money to fix anything and don't want to ask my mother for the money for repairs and catching up bills. The front storm door handle is broken. I can close it from the inside but not reopen it from outside. I've been propping a heavy board against it when I leave so I can get back in. There is a hellious leak under the trailer. I actually turn the water to the trailer on and off as needed. It has damaged the sub floor in several areas. I can feel the ripples when I walk. The toilet and window still need fixing as well as the hole in the bedroom floor. None have ever been repaired. The roof needs to be painted/sealed. My father had discussed it before he passed, but we never got to it with all that was going on. No way in hell, would I ask someone here to hang out.

My jewelry is still in the pawn shop, even the two pieces I had managed to get out in January are back in. I'm worried to death I'm gonna lose it. I'm behind 2 payments but so far, they have been really sweet about working with me. I'm doing my best to hang on till something good happens monetarily. I would hate to lose $15,000 worth of jewelry for a loan of only $600....It makes me physically ill whenever I think about it. But what else can I do?

So I'm hanging on, barely, struggling like so many others, who may be in worse shape than me. I do what I can for myself and my mother. And try not to worry about the rest. I apply for a job when I find one and hope I get lucky. When I have an extra buck or two, I buy  a lottery ticket and hope lady luck smiles on me in a big way. Right now, it would be nice to know exactly when all this will be settled and my mother and I  both can move forward.....

Breaking In

Last Saturday, I was weed eating around the old place......it has been on the market for 2 years now....when I got to the walk out basement side, I noticed the door was not completely closed. I figured maybe a realtor had shown the place and not closed it completely. I figured I just go in and check the place anyway to be safe.
As I went upstairs, the basement door from the hallway was open, which we always kept closed. I went on cautiously, hearing some beeping noise I couldn't identify....I was a bit concerned. As I made my way down the hall and into the kitchen, I realized it was the internal alarm that was beeping. As I rounded the doorway into the kitchen, I realized what the problem was.......
Someone had broken in, cut the alarm wires, turned the power to the house off and removed every kitchen appliance! They removed the new dishwasher that my father and I installed and had never been used! They removed the built in microwave/convention oven! They removed the built in ceramic cooktop! All of it was gone! I tore through the other rooms seeing if anything else was gone or damaged. I went back to the basement to check the furnace and water heater. I checked outside to see if the brand new heat pump was still there. Thankfully, those were still there! I made that dreaded call to my mother to let her know she needed to come over......
She was very upset, crying and angry. I canceled my plans for the afternoon and my date for that night. I finished up the trimming and gave a statement to the officer that came out.
It was a bit surreal. The thieves didn't damage the cabinets, the walls or anything. Just the broken window in the basement. They even moved ta TV on the bench under the window, sat it on the floor, but didn't take it. They took the electrical wiring from my father's workshop to the greenhouse and the grow lights, but left the bulbs neatly on the floor, only breaking one. And the cable from the workshop to the tractor shed. They were very professional. They figured out where the breaker box was and turned it off. They did manage to back into a big bush and leave behind a mud flap to their vehicle.

We have now put up a gate at the driveway. Since the house sits so far from the road they had plenty of time to disconnect everything and not make a mess. Now the place is well lite at night. I'm surprised after 2 years that this hasn't happened sooner. The police are checking out people who have viewed the property.  I'm sure they have been casing the place for a while and knew we aren't there all the time. I'm just glad that my mother hadn't stopped by and walk in on them. That is something new to worry about.

The total cost about $6,000 for the appliance, new gate and repairing the broken window. Overall it could have been much worse.

Weighty Issues

I am now at 169!

Dating, Meh

Well, dating is more difficult than I recall. Guys are flakier too than I recall. Norm and I had a rough start, smoothed out and now, not sure where it is going, if anywhere. The attraction is there, but not much commitment, to even date or get them or whatever. So he is placed on the back burner and I'm moving on. I've met a few other guys, while Norm flounders around trying to make decisions that he can stick to.

Jimmy was a nice guy. Too young (42), too far away (over an hours drive) and positive. Being positive isn't a deal breaker for me, but combined with the other two things just makes it harder to make it work. While cute, nice, and being a good kisser goes a long way in my book, the attraction just wasn't strong enough to give it another shot with all the other things in play.

Lee is the same age as Norm, 55. Butch as all get out, very close by, only 23 miles away. Sadly, he isn't really 5'9"......barefoot, I'm taller than he is. He was fun to hang with, chat with and meet. Most likely, we will remind friends because of our common interest and close proximity. However his schedule is as screwy as mine.

Danny was much more attractive in person than his pics let on. I enjoyed lunch with him and though he is only 5'7", his personality, body and charm made him seem 6' tall! But atlas, he wasn't feeling it on his part. We have stayed in touch and have tentative plans to hang together as friends in the near future. I can certainly use more friends.

I have a few other guys I'm chatting with and could see some meeting in the near future with them. Jerry (a different one), Donn (travels a LOT for his job), Beau (a sweetheart so far), Gary (hot but distance may be an issue), Mark( a good ole country boy about 60 miles away), Paul (nice guy, seems a bit insecure and distance, yet again), Tim(nice guy but travel a lot too for work), Steven(think he is more into hooking up than dating) and a few others that pop in and out of chat from time to time, but haven't really established anything meaningful enough to pursue a date with them yet.

I've learned that some of these guys online, think nothing of stretching the truth or outright lying about their stats, even careful omissions leave me wondering. My profile is accurate, 100% me. What you see is what you get. I don't hide facts or my intentions for being on the websites or behind old pics. Even in my most current pic from June, I'm 10 pounds lighter now. I chat to find out about them and the validity and truthfulness of what they have stated. I've learned to ask the questions, not assume they will volunteer the info I'm looking for. I'm not afraid to call them out on it either. It only makes sense to make them accountable. If someone states they are only looking for friends, then a pic of your cock or asshole is not necessary. If you are looking for only fun, so be it. If you need to be discreet or can't host, I'm gonna ask why. I'm not a game player, nor bullshitter. I'm honest and upfront and expect, no demand, the same. Everyone wants something or none of us would be there.....lying isn't gonna build anything lasting.