One Year

Today my father has been gone for a year. It seems like it was yesterday. I know you are watching over your family as you always have. We miss you terribly, but know you are not suffering in a much better place. I love you!

Under Contract

Finally, after two long, hard years, an offer was made on the old place! Woohoo! My mother is so relieved! So am I! It will be a huge burden lifted once the closing is completed the first of April. No more mowing, trimming, pruning, etc! Yippee! Now I can devote that time to taking care of the other place. That 3+ hours will come in handy over the summer! My mother is excited because no more taxes and maintenance on a place she isn't living in. I wish my father had lived long enough to see it sold. A nice Russian couple made the offer. They wanted the extra land to build two homes for their sons. I think it will be a great place for them. It sure was for us. Many memories there, so selling it is bittersweet, but the time was right. I hope everything goes well, between now and closing. One less thing to keep holding us back. Now we can move forward a little.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Work It

Since joining the gym near the first of November, I have gained about 6 pounds roughly. After some research on the internet, I did discover a study that suggested about a 3 pound gain in muscle a month, so guess I'm on target. I'm not as concerned with the weight as the way my body looks to me. I'm the one that has to be happy in it and with it. I can see the tone and definition in my chest and legs and some tightness in my biceps along with a little growth too, I think. My butt feels firmer but doesn't look like I want it to just yet. My belly roll is only slightly diminished, but I can feel the tightness in the muscle under it. It will take a while to whittle away the remaining fat. I have managed to get my BMI down to 17%, higher than the 10% of years gone by, but according to the charts, it puts me in the healthy and acceptable range for my age, height and build. Of course, I'd love to get back to the 10%, but if I can carve another 3 or 4 percentage points off of that number I'd be thrilled. I am still eating properly, watching my portions and calories, but I have added more lean protein to help build muscle mass. After a work out, I eat a can of Albacore tuna in water and a banana. Most of my meals, unless dining with my mother consist mostly of foods rich in fiber, like rice cakes, lots of fruit, and lean protein meats. Friends that haven't seen me in a few months are shocked at my "sudden" transformation. Of course, there isn't anything sudden about it. It has taken a lot of willpower, determination, backsliding, and experimentation to get this far. I realize the quest is far from over. Losing the weight was only half the battle. The toning and sculpting of muscle will take about as long, but I'm prepared. Truth be told, I love going to the gym. I like the lifting, the cardio, the sweating. I like the feeling of accomplishment as I leave. I like observing the others in the gym work toward their goals. I find it all very inspiring.  I know to reach my long term goal of looking like a shorter Colton Ford, may take a little longer, but I'm working on it. My short term goal is to have a flatter stomach and tighter, more rounded butt by May. It's doable. I just wanna look good in a thong or at the naked pool this summer!

Applied

Last Friday, I had a two hour interview with a local Cadillac dealership. It was the second one with them. I think I did very well. Now I just have to wait to see if they offer me the job. The potential to earn more than I currently make is certainly there. It is much closer to home and the schedule is more stable. My biggest concern is how the sales staff is paid. I've sold cars before and made good money at it. They all had salary draw set ups. This one does not. It is an hourly wage of $7.50 with incremental "bonus" money added for each car and once a certainly level is reached, more added retroactively to your paycheck. Great potential, but it scares me. In this economy, I don't think my bills would be covered at $7.50 an hour till I sold a car or two or five or whatever the magic number was. Yes, if right off the bat I sold 5 cars the first two weeks, I'd be golden. That isn't a given or absolute. While I was there, I saw hardly any traffic on the lot at all. Granted, they expect and give you cold call leads to help set appointments, which basically makes it a well defined numbers game, but that uncertainty weights very heavy on me. Right now, I'm just gonna wait for the phone call saying I have the job if I want it. Then I'll see if it is the right move for me. I don't care for Macy's but I do know about what my checks will be every week and can plan accordingly. I just don't wanna go from the frying pan into the fire, so to speak.

Precious and Few

Just like the song says about stolen moments, "They are precious and few that two can share." My mother was wondering today if my father knew he only had 18 more days left. I suspect he knew they were numbered, but doubt he knew the exact amount he had left. It did get me to thinking though. Having lost so many friends and family over the last decade or so, I really do try my best to make the most of every moment I'm with them. I want to remember, through pictures, memories, or stories, of how a person made me feel. To savor the moment, to capture it forever, to never let them go. But sometimes you have to. Not that you want to, but you just have to because of circumstance, death, or distance. To me, it doesn't matter, because I still hold them close to my heart. I still have the memories and the shared moments. I still have the photographs. I miss so many people now gone from me. Their impact on me is absorbed, so ingrained, so much a part of me, it's hard to separate. Not that I would ever willingly do so. Time marches on. Things change, but there is comfort in remembering the people you have cared about from the past, whether family or friend. The happier times. The carefree laughter. Just the simple joy of being, sharing and caring with another human being that is just as grateful for having you in their life as you are in having them in yours. It really does add texture, depth, and meaning to your life.