Howdy! How you doin'?

Things are going as smoothly as possible with my new position at work. I really love it. It is so much better than being on the sales floor, though I do help in fine jewelry when I need some extra hours or they need coverage. The hours will be increasing here shortly as the store gears up for the fall season. I hope enough to be eligible for insurance again.

My guy and I still talking but not really seeing each other. Since his son has moved home, there isn't any place else to go. Guess that is the trouble with seeing someone who isn't out. Though I have let him know I'm willing to work around this circumstance, I haven't seen the same effort from him. So I guess fuck buddies was all he wanted. Oh well, doctor or not, I've moved on.

I have actually have been seeing 3 other guys. While my doctor friend really turns my crank, the others are out, just as close and can give me what I want outside of the bedroom in a relationship. Somehow I've managed to juggle my work schedule, doing things for my mothers, and seeing 4 guys (of course, Doc dropping the ball freed up some time). I've decided I'm not getting excited about any of them. I like them. I enjoy the time we spend together. The sex is nice too. But, I'm just not going to put myself out there emotionally like I have. It would be nice to actually put some of this hard earned knowledge to use. So gonna try to be as detached as everyone else and see where it goes.

I have also started a little side project. I'm doing male nude photography. Currently, I offer my services for free to any man who wants tasteful, artistic nudes, semi nudes or such for their personal use. I had my first photo shoot last Friday with a friend that has turned out very well. The little group I set up has responded very well with offers to model and great positive feedback on the resulting images. After 500+ pics during a 2 1/2 session, it netted a stunning variety of 130 useable images. I have another shoot booked for next Saturday morning with two other friends. And three more planned before the end of the month. Tommy is actually planning one in mid August. His won't be nude, because he is too paranoid about his job finding out, but he has actually booked and is paying for an overnight trip to a casino in the mountains for us to do his photo shoot at. This has been interesting so far. I hope to turn this little project into a money making opportunity by the end of the year. Right now, doing it for free helps me gain experience and build a portfolio. As much as I enjoy it, the time and effort involved won't allow me to do it free for long. I'm happy with where this seems to be going.

I've tried some more of the Advocare products. Honestly, they are some of the most amazing supplements I have ever purchased. The results I see in Tommy and his brother's  physiques are honestly astounding! My personal results have not been as dramatic, but great nonetheless. That little belly roll is s-l-o-w-l-y melting away. I would highly recommend to anyone who want to lose weight, trim down, bulk up or just live a healthier lifestyle to try AdvoCare products. Here is a link to check it out for yourself  AdvoCare.

So that is what's happening in my neck of the woods. I'm plugging along, making the best of things.....Hope all my readers are doing well.

Work It

Since joining the gym near the first of November, I have gained about 6 pounds roughly. After some research on the internet, I did discover a study that suggested about a 3 pound gain in muscle a month, so guess I'm on target. I'm not as concerned with the weight as the way my body looks to me. I'm the one that has to be happy in it and with it. I can see the tone and definition in my chest and legs and some tightness in my biceps along with a little growth too, I think. My butt feels firmer but doesn't look like I want it to just yet. My belly roll is only slightly diminished, but I can feel the tightness in the muscle under it. It will take a while to whittle away the remaining fat. I have managed to get my BMI down to 17%, higher than the 10% of years gone by, but according to the charts, it puts me in the healthy and acceptable range for my age, height and build. Of course, I'd love to get back to the 10%, but if I can carve another 3 or 4 percentage points off of that number I'd be thrilled. I am still eating properly, watching my portions and calories, but I have added more lean protein to help build muscle mass. After a work out, I eat a can of Albacore tuna in water and a banana. Most of my meals, unless dining with my mother consist mostly of foods rich in fiber, like rice cakes, lots of fruit, and lean protein meats. Friends that haven't seen me in a few months are shocked at my "sudden" transformation. Of course, there isn't anything sudden about it. It has taken a lot of willpower, determination, backsliding, and experimentation to get this far. I realize the quest is far from over. Losing the weight was only half the battle. The toning and sculpting of muscle will take about as long, but I'm prepared. Truth be told, I love going to the gym. I like the lifting, the cardio, the sweating. I like the feeling of accomplishment as I leave. I like observing the others in the gym work toward their goals. I find it all very inspiring.  I know to reach my long term goal of looking like a shorter Colton Ford, may take a little longer, but I'm working on it. My short term goal is to have a flatter stomach and tighter, more rounded butt by May. It's doable. I just wanna look good in a thong or at the naked pool this summer!

Year End Clearance

As 2012 draws to a close, I look back and wonder how I got through it. There has been so much bad this year and so little to celebrate. Somehow, though, I found joy in the smallest of things and learned to dig deep within to find veins of resiliency I didn't know I possessed. I made it being strong my motto this year. I had to be emotionally strong for my mother after my father passed away. I had to be spiritually strong for myself, family and friends that faced hardships throughout the year. I decided to become physically stronger by getting serious about my weight loss and working out at the gym. There are many things, both good and bad, that I never posted about here. They were just too personally or too painful. I look forward to 2013. There are many changes already coming down the pike that I am aware of and surely some that will catch me by surprise. Regardless of how or when they arrive in the new year, I'll face them head on with as must resolve as I can muster. I refuse to give up or give in. Bad things will always happen. There will always be something to challenge the way you live, think or do things. The trick is to adapt quickly, regroup and move on. I have great hope that 2013 will be a stellar year for me to move forward on many fronts in my life. I'm ready. Bring it!

Um, Ok

Busy! Busy! Busy!
That is the only way to describe things at the moment. My work schedule is hectic and playing havoc with getting anything else accomplished, though I have managed to keep up my exercise time at the gym. This week, I'm scheduled for 54 hours! A far cry from the norm of only 35. These 10 hour days aren't too bad, but require lots of prep work and planning to make sure everything is taken care of before I leave home. I been hitting the gym anywhere from 230am to 5am in an effort to keep on track for my goals. I also try to get back home for 30 minutes to an hour so Izzy, isn't here for longer than 12 hours by himself. It makes me sad to leave him inside that long, but there isn't anything I can do about it. He seems to understand and has been so sweet. I'm off today, so I'll spend a lot of time with him to make up for it.

My mother is having a hard time with this holiday. She is stressing and missing my father something fierce. I wish I could spend more time with her, but work is getting in the way. This year, we will be going to my sister's house for Christmas, so we will be trying to squeeze that trip into an already hectic day. My sister thought it would help out my mother and her mother in law, who lost her oldest son a few months ago, to not have to worry with readying the house and meals at their respective homes. Maybe it will help. It seems to have taken a little of the joy away from my mother though, but she agreed to go and hasn't changed her mind, though asked several times. We'll see.

I'm anxiously awaiting the new schedule for the week of Christmas. I need to know what my hours are for Christmas Eve. I'm going to Midnight Mass with Tommy and I need to squeeze in a visit with my mother as well, since it will be her first without my father. I'm trying to make everybody happy. I just hope we close at a decent time and I'm off or either scheduled to leave earlier than closing that day. Of course, I have to have a little time with the dog as well before running off somewhere else that night after working too.

My Christmas shopping is coming along nicely. I'm almost finished with only 3 left to purchase. This year's budget was a stretch, but I've managed to find some good bargains on the stuff I was wanting to give. I should be finished by this Friday and have everything wrapped by Tuesday, my next day off.

I'll be glad when this year is over. It has been rough and tested me in so many ways. I'm just glad to have made it this far.......

Routines & Habits

Granted it has only been a little over a week since I joined the gym, but starting to feel the effects, more so than see them at this point. My muscles in my arms, chest and legs are feeling tighter, and that's a good thing. Noticeably, visible results will take a little longer. I'm making going to the gym a daily habit. On days I'm scheduled to work, I do the weights with about 15 minutes of cardio to warm up the muscles and get the blood flowing. On my days off of work, I only do cardio for about 45 minutes. I vary the times I go according to my work schedule, so far, it has turned out to be mostly before work in the mornings. I like that best because it gets me going for the whole day. I do a complete circuit on the machines that work the muscle groups I'm focusing on. I rarely encounter anyone using a machine I need. The few times I have, I skip to the next and then come back when they are finished. I do three sets, with reps varying from 5 to 15, depending on the exercise and the weight used. Surprisingly, I've retained more strength than I thought I had. The first set is the heaviest weights. Second set is 10 pounds lighter and the third set is either lighter or back up to the original weight of the first set, depending on the exercise. Some of the machines are exercises I can do at home, but since the gyms is configured differently, it makes the exercise a little more difficult than I'm use to as it works the muscle group in a different fashion. I usually have to use a little lower weight than I'm use to because of it, but that's ok. I make sure I drink water while doing my circuit. I have a light breakfast before going, unusually a couple pieces of toast or yogurt, then eat a little more when I return home. My goal is to only build slightly more muscle with the emphasis on tone and definition. Hence the lower weights for the other sets. The first week I sweated like a whore in church, now not as much, though still a healthy amount. I'm curious as to what visible results I'll see after a month...

Body is a Wonderland

Yeah, hoping to turn it into a theme park actually.....hehe.

I joined a local Planet Fitness gym Sunday. While I have a home gym, I've maxed out the weights on some exercises and others I  want to do just can't be done at home without the proper equipment. For $10 a month, I get the opportunity, some social interaction, and free advice, plus it is nice to be around other like minded people too for inspiration. So far I have learned that the max on my equipment at home isn't always the same at the gym. Who knew right? It's all good, though at first, it kinda freaked me out. I thought I had lost a lot of muscle mass. Turns out it is just the range of motion of the machines that works the muscles a little differently than mine, hence, not as strong in that way.

Of course my goals remain the same. To tone up over all (no jiggly parts!) I want to build my chest a little more and have better defined pecs. I want bigger biceps. I'd like to grow them to about 16" or 18" (hoping). I want to flatten my stomach, maybe even get my abs back. And of course, tighten, tone my butt so it is bubble like once again. All on my little wish list is doable. It's only a question of time and dedication. I chose this gym, not only for it's cheap price, but it is open 24/7! It meshes well with the weird scheduling at Macy's, especially here at the holidays. I'll keep y'all posted. Wish me well!

Important Dates

As mentioned in another post.....I've piqued the interest of a few fellas and have chatted with several.

Last night I met Mike after work for drinks and a few games of pool at a local gay sports bar. It was very nice! Sweet guy with a great sense of humor and sparkling blue eyes. He's 50 and 6'1". I'm hoping to see him again.....soon hopefully!

This evening I'm meeting Jerry for ice cream. He is 45 and 6'4". We have chatted for a while. I like the way he types, meaning he conveys ideas very well. He seems to be cautious and a little reserved in his missives, but flirty and fun.

Thursday after work, I have plans to meet with Wes. A bodybuilder, 55 years old and 6'4". He is very professional in his communications. However he does have a fun side that intrigues me.

I'm looking forward to meeting Jerry and Wes......and really hope to see Mike again. I'm putting myself out there. It's kinda scary and exciting at the same time. I'm happy at the moment with this aspect of my life. Now if I could get a better paying job and a house in which to entertain in, I'd say my life would be close to perfect.

This morning I am #180 pounds. Only 10 more to go to my target weight, and tighten it all up.....

New Body, Old Mind

Since losing a little weight and getting into better shape with more of both to come, and having updated all my profile pics, I've been receiving emails, chat request, pokes, likes, comments, smiles, winks, gropes etc. galore! I'm loving it! While I think basing interest solely on looks or body type is rather shallow, I freely acknowledge that humans, men in particular, are very visual creatures. I have several ongoing, in depth exchanges with a couple of fellas now that show a bit promise for something more than a roll in the hay. While the exterior of me has been revamped, the personality and character is the same. I still know what I want and expect from someone. That hasn't changed, nor can I ever see it doing so. But the simple act of improving the outside has opened up more choices. I'm the same as I ever was with better marketing and packaging. I'm curious as to where this journey may lead. I'm finally excited about the social/sexual prospects it brings. Right now, I'm testing the waters, combining all I've learned from my past dating experiences, with the "new" found body, and moving toward a more complete happiness. No, I don't think a man can complete me or make me happy, that is mere icing on the cake. But the better I look, the better I feel, the more confident I become. It is actually helping me become a better rounded person. Helping me match the exterior me to the interior me. I'm completing myself so to speak. Stay tuned for further updates. My weight this morning is 182 pounds.

Heavy Things

As of this morning, my weight is at 184! Woohoo! My goal was 185, so take that fat!
I'm excited! I'm thrilled! So far, so good. If I can stay the course, I should hit my goal weight of 170 in another 4 weeks.......yippie!

Going Down

I've had a good week so far. I'm down to 189 pounds! I honestly don't recall the last time I was below 190. I'm sure it has been at least 5 years or more. It feels great! Totally awesome! I'm fitting into more of my old "skinny" clothes. It's like shopping without the expense! I'm getting more second looks from men and women at work. Coworkers are asking about my weight loss. I'm loving it! Instead of sweating about losing 15 or 20 pounds I've set weekly goals of 1, 2, or 3 pounds based on my work schedule, factoring in when I would need to eat and workout. So far it has been successful and I don't see that changing. My goal is obtainable and the new attention is inspiring. By the end of July, my goal is to be at 170, my "old fighting weight". By the end of August, I hope to have tighten up all the jiggly parts. I'm excited about the progress so far. Its hard to believe when I started this journey about 4 years ago, I had allowed myself to balloon to 252 pounds. Never again. I've since learned new eating habits and have been exercising long enough now that it is a habit. I'm all a tingle.

A Non-update Update

Things are still unchanged on the home front for the most part. No interest in the old home place and the trailer is still standing for the moment. My parents are doing relatively well. The doctor said my father's pneumonia is finally cleared up. He is still weak and thin and relies on my mother an awful lot. He goes for a CT scan in a few weeks to see if the cancer is spreading. We are a bit anxious about that. I'm finally making some headway financially. I actually have gotten a few more pieces of jewelry out of the pawn shop and caught up a few bills. Next check should be free and clear of any bills for a change. Woohoo! I'm still attempting to get into a regular exercise routine instead of the hit or miss I've been doing. Thankfully, I haven't gained any weight back through the holidays and parental stress. I've been able to fit into more of my old clothes, so that makes me happy. Work is work. I'm still waiting on the final word for my FMLA status. That has been a long drawn out process in itself. I'm glad the holidays are over, inventory is finished and all the returns are drawing to a close. I've been tweaking the resume to send out soon. Still want a better paying job with a better schedule.Izzy is still the best dog ever and I love on him everyday. Tommy is still Tommy and who knows if we are friends or not sometimes. Whatever. I just go with the flow when it concerns him. Jessica and I went to Chilli's last Saturday after work and had a great time with another coworker Lu Anne. It was unplanned but fun to break my routine of work, home or parents everyday. Richard, the cute guy that moved to Delaware last year, text me Happy New Year. So did Jim. Things are still slow with Jim. Not sure where that is headed. I'm just playing it by ear. I'm not waiting on him and I do chat with other guys in the interim. My social life could use some improvement. So could my sex life. I'm use to it so it isn't that big a deal. It will happen when it happens. So far so good this year. Overall, I'm happier than Ive been in a while despite it all. 2012 is gonna be an ok year I think. I'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

About Time

I finally have had enough of being fat! Woohoo! I tackled clutter around my home gym this morning and began exercising! Woohoo! It's still crowded in there, but I now have room to do the basic exercises to work my chest, biceps, abs, and shoulders. Woohoo! I'm so excited! I'm all a tingle!
I did 3 sets of 5 exercises this morning and had my heart rate up. Of course my warm up cardio was cleaning the room up! I broke a sweat and I can feel it now! I'm gonna do it! No more whining about being fat or having clothes that don't fit! I'm gonna be damn fine for next summer. I have tried dieting alone, which did help me go from 252 to 192, but still wasn't enough. Since working, I got back up to 210. This morning I weighted in at 208. This time, I'm gonna do it and keep doing it till they put me in the ground!