Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It Gets Better

Growing up, I always knew I was gay. I never questioned it. Never wanted to be otherwise. Never had a problem accepting that fact about myself. I knew I was different. I knew that there were others like myself somewhere in the world. I also knew it wouldn't be easy. The world didn't understand me, my difference, my uniqueness, my gift. I knew. Most everyone else did too.
When I came out to my parents in 9th grade. They didn't believe it. They thought I would out grow it. Some odd phase I was going through. Of course it didn't go away. Neither did I. I learned to gauge who could accept it, who was like me, and how to cope with the perceptions. I've never been a conformer, but by being true to myself, I earned respect. I never cowered or back down. I never ran away. I was resilient, just as all are capable of being. It's the adversity that gives us strength. Empowers us. If I wasn't like everyone else, then I was gonna strive to be better.
I was involved. I let people see me for everything I was, not just for my sexual attraction. I could play sports, and weight train. I could be on committees and in clubs. I could attend events and win awards and recognition. All by being the best I could be.

I can remember a few taunts in high school. I ignored them. Why should it bother me if I was gay or a cocksucker? I never gave the power to hurt me to any other. I was better than that. The one time a fella turned around in class while the teacher was out, and struck square in the chest for no reason, I looked him in the eye and said "Your ass is mine after class." I didn't raise my voice, whimper or cower. When was class was over, he couldn't be found. I never had another incident from anyone.
I was lucky. I never allowed pressure to get to me. I dated a couple of girls. Hung out with girls. When I met a guy and we became close, I stopped dating girls altogether. There was no need. I was going to be myself. Who God had wanted me to be. And I have never looked back or questioned. Each passing year, it all gets better. Hang in there. Find people who appreciate you for your uniqueness. And screw the rest.


Cubby said...

Great essay. I'm glad your high school experience went fairly smoothly.

Ur-spo said...

well said !

Peter said...

Thanks for sharing, Dave.

Lemuel said...

I think that the most significant line in your post is this: "I never gave the power to hurt me to any other." Well stated and a good philosophy for us all.

I did have to chuckle at your response to the fellow who hit you in the chest. It could be taken two ways. I could not help but wonder which one terrified him more. :-D

Ray's Cowboy said...

You are fully correct. I fyou give people the power over you, than you are screwed. One has to keep the power for himself to survive. I did; trust me; high school canbe hell. But if you have wonderful freinds to help out . It is not really that bad as well.


TomS said...

As someone who was hospitalized from being gay-bashed, I am here to tell you that it is not always possible to control who has the power to hurt you. Be careful.

Dream Weaver Hit Counter
Hughes Net Satellite Internet