Sunday, November 20, 2011

Melancholy Morning

I spent some time with my father today, while my mother ran a few errands. I piddled about while he sat on the sofa with his oxygen tube on. The sparkle and depth have left his eyes. My mother helped him bathe this morning. His vigor and stamina is gone. He is wobbly when he walks. I went with him outside to sit in the swing and enjoy the fresh air. There were a few moments that I thought he may not make it back in the house without me picking him up. Some how he managed. His steps are slow and deliberate, though unsure at times. He worries me. My mother worries me. Even though they both weight the same now, she could not pick him up should he fall and not have the energy to get back up himself. He is so frail. His 6'3" frame is nothing but skin and bones now. I'm afraid he will fall and break something. Or my mother will be injured trying to help him in some way. I don't think I have enough left in me to take care of both of them at the same time if need be. I've signed up for Intermittent Family Leave at work. If they need me, I can be late, leave early or call in and it not count against me. It will just shorten my paycheck. My mother mentioned to me this morning that she don't think he will make it through Christmas. I was thinking the same thing, but secretly hope he does, so long as he isn't suffering. While he dozed on the sofa, and my mother got ready to leave, I stood at the dining room window, staring out at nothing and silently cried.

6 comments:

Russ Manley said...

It's very hard to watch a parent die, as I well know. Bless you, buddy.

Sean said...

You're doing so much and are so strong. My mom continues to improve, on paper, and she now believes she will live but she seems so frail and my own health continues to be a challenge but I push on. I think Tues will be a huge day as to what my future will be.

Joe in OK said...

Take it one day at a time. Look for blessings and precious moments where you can find them, and try not to think too much about "what if" or what the future will bring. Just be there, showing your love and support. It is not easy... But it is the ultimate gift that you can give. You are in my thoughts, friend.

Ur-spo said...

such a sad and sorrowful journey this is.

Anonymous said...

I really encourage you to have a talk with your mother in which you explain that she cannot pick him up if he falls. Especially if he falls in the middle of the night she should call 911 to help him get up. My mother tried to lift my father in a similar situation and wound up with a fractured spine that plagued her for the rest of her life. It is a natural urge to try and pick up your fallen spouse, but hopefully she can remain calm enough to get those burly EMT's to help him up.
I'm wishing for all the best in your situation.
Brother Bear

cb said...

How very sad. I feel your pain.

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