Sunday, June 17, 2012

Father's Day Overview

This is the first Father's Day with out him around. It's kinda surreal. I still expect him to show up at some point during my visits. Either to come around the corner into the room or come in from outside or even be standing near the outbuilding when I drive up, but atlas, it isn't to be. I guess it is slowly sinking in. My mother and I went to eat lunch together today and we discussed it. She shed a few tears. I held back though I wanted to join her. We mentioned it again once home. We talked about how it use to be. How much he loved to be outside doing something, anything, instead of inside, sitting on the couch, watching the activities. She misses him something terrible. So do I. There is something missing. Something we can never have again. But we are coping. Making do the best we can. Taking life as it comes. What else can we do? Life goes on, whether you like it or not, ready or not. Sometimes you have to be like a little rolly polly bugs that ball themselves up in a knot to protect yourself. You present a tough shell exterior while inside you hope it is enough to weather the storm. You get through it somehow. You may not be the same afterward, but that isn't always a bad thing. It makes you stronger and more resilient in the end. Or so I hope. I know it will get better, the coping part anyway. The void will never be filled no matter what. But I keep moving on. There are many things to do, to keep me busy. I'll keep doing them until I can't any more, then I will find something new to do.


Ur-spo said...

they get better viz. not as surreal, but more at peace.

Russ Manley said...

As you say, life goes on, whether we like it or not. You don't get over the loss, as some foolish people think - you just learn to live with it.

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