Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Rant: Take One

Something has been bothering me lately, so I'm gonna rant a little.

I'm a person who takes friendships seriously. If I have met you or chatted, learned something about you, we have moved beyond the acquaintance phase and into the friend phase. If I consider someone a friend whether they reciprocate as strongly or not, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for that person if I can. Midnight calls for a shoulder to cry on, fine. A call to bail you out of jail, sure. Need help moving or planning a party, no problem. I'm your friend and I'm there for you. I've have slowly come to realize or maybe accept, that others do not hold this view. Oddly enough, while I freely give of myself, my time and occasionally my money to someone I consider a friend, not all subscribe to this. I understand that and rarely make the demands on a friend that I would so willingly answer. I hold myself to higher standards in every area if my life that most do not. The disturbing thing to me is this. Facebook. Whether it is a friend request unanswered or ignored by someone who in person I thought was in good rapport, to being deleted as a friend without cause or notification, to just outright rudeness from someone you have worked with, hung out with, and chatted with. To me these things are unacceptable in a civilized society and certainly something one would not do to a friend. It does make me question their definition of friend as well as my own. Maybe I'm too giving, too open, too generous, too caring and they feel inadequate. I'm not sure what the problem is or why it exist. If someone sends me a friend request, I accept it period. I sort them accordingly. I never deny friendship opportunities. And there is nothing short of murdering me, that would cause me to unfriend a person either on Facebook or in real life. I've lived it all before and forgive everything. But this type of action really rubs me the wrong way. So much so, that if there were a gay mafia, I'd be submitting my shitlist. So dear readers, am I the problem or has friendship somehow morphed into something irreverent and disposable?


Java said...

Facebook is the problem, IMHO. I don't think they should use the term "friend" the way they do.

Everyone has a different comfort level with the facebook stuff. I am uncomfortable with it in general. I don't have many friends on facebook, I don't use facebook very much. Sometimes if I post a comment on someone's page, I get emails all day long about everyone else who also commented. I don't need that.

Just because someone "unfriends" you on facebook, that doesn't necessarily mean he or she feels unfriendly to you in real life. That's my take, anyway.

I do friendships much the way you do. I am available as much as possible, as thoroughly as possible for people who I consider to be my friends. Facebook uses the word "friend" and cheapens it.

There you go. My $.02.

Russ Manley said...

I think Java hit the nail on the head there. I've never been on Facespace or Mybook or any of them newfangled things . . . but I did belong to a couple of chat rooms and it's simply not the same as "friends" in real life, flesh and blood.

Since my husband died, and I found myself home alone every night of the world with no one to talk to, until I started blogging, I spent a lot of time chatting online. Must have chatted with hundreds of guys, maybe a couple thousand . . . but ya know, only a bare handful ever became flesh and blood friends. The rest come and go . . . one day you're chatting like lifelong pals, next day, poof!, they are gone. Course maybe they could say the same about me, who knows.

But no its not really friendship, it's virtual friendship, and the rules are very different. That's just the way it is, Dave, nothing to do with you or me personally. So don't take it that way.

Ur-spo said...

who knows what are the 'rules of etiquette' for something like facebook. Everyone seems to have different rules.
We need Miss Manners again to sort things out.

Ray's Cowboy said...

I have to say I fully agree with you.
Freinds help and do thing for each other withuot thinking.

Lemuel said...

I must agree a bit with Java. I think part of the issue is with Facebook. I simply refuse to use Facebook for a number of reasons. I have not, nor do I intend to, set up an account with them. It has nothing to do with any reluctance to be a real friend to those who invite me via Facebook to become a "friend" there. It has everything to do with Facebook and the concepts of any invasive "social networking site" itself.

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