Thursday, June 24, 2010

Cheese With Your Whine?

Obviously, this isn't a good day for me. I'm hot, frustrated, broke, disillusioned, and horny. And only one of those can I do anything about. I'm gonna rant just because I damn well feel like and I have nothing better to do. I'm not going worry about it making sense or whether it rambles.
I've tried my best to be a good person. Am I perfect? Hell no. Why is it that I never seem to make any progress in my life. I'm not talking about the just the last two years either. It is always 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. I can't seem to get ahead. Is it because I'm too nice? Maybe I need to be a big, self serving bitch. Maybe I need to have the attitude that everyone owes me something. Maybe I should just resort to doing evil things. Whatever I'm doing is certainly not paying dividends. Fuck that shit about your reward is in heaven. I want a fucking house, a boyfriend, a nice car, sweet vacations and a fucking job, like every fucking body else! I think the shit I've been through with family, friends, and employment, not to mention my own personal demons should place me close to the front of the line for this shit. But hell no, I'm stuck at the end, living off whatever fucking crumbs life seems to toss my way. What the hell do I need to do to get to where I should be at this point in my life? Working and doing what is right hasn't done squat to get me there. I'm tired of always being the last one in everything. I'm tired of being the poor one, the unemployed one, the fat one, the hairy one, the trailer park one. Damn it God! Fucking Pay Attention! I'm suffering and you do nothing! Not a damn thing! My life has gone steadily downhill despite my sacrifices and best efforts! Where the hell are my answered prayers? I ask for healthy parents. You fucked that up. I asked for a job, for 2 fucking years! You ain't helped with that one either! I ask for good friends or a boyfriend, you sent shallow stupid people! What the hell is wrong with you? I have tried to love everyone. Not steal, lie, murder all the other bullshit rules of yours and for what? A whole lot of fucking nothing! Would I be rewarded more if I didn't give a shit? It seems those are the ones who get the blessing. I'm waiting on proof you even exist any more. I use to believe. Now.....


Breenlantern said...

I have been there, wondering when I was going to get a fair shake: I was poor, single, fat(ter), friendless (not hairy, although I wish i was) and had no future. I don't know how, but I managed to snag a good man, start making friends, acquire a job and work my way from white trash to middle class trash. (*smirk*) I know a lot of that was luck , circumstance and being in the right place in the right time, but I'll never forget how pitiful and useless and angry and spat upon I felt. I wish I lived closer so I could be of more help, but for what it's worth, this complete stranger is out here rooting for you. Bitch have every right to.

Cubby said...

I loved hugging you last month. I wish I could hug you again.

Russ Manley said...

Oh buddy I can relate. Truly and deeply relate. From way back.

I have no answers. Just one bit of advice: get a job. Any job. Even if it's mowing lawns, bagging groceries, stocking at wally world, washing cars.

Get a job. Any job. Even a crappy part-time one that pays shit.

It won't answer your prayers. But you will feel some relief from the pain. Trust me bubba.

Ur-spo said...

That was a very good rant. You have inspired me to vent a bit myself. it will be good for both of us.

Java said...

Feel any better now? I hope so.

The heat, it does strange things to one's brain.


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