Open Letter to Tommy

I'm sorry you don't think I've been a good friend to you. I think I have. I've invited you to parties, events and places. I took care of you twice when you had gotten sick. Once the first time we ever went out together and you mixed alcohol and a pain pill at Dan and Willie's party in Winston Salem. I drove the hour and half home with you passed out in the passenger seat, after you finally stopped throwing up. And then after the White Party after you got thrown out of the club hosting the after party ( and I still don't know why.). And that was after you told me in the club to "go away". I stayed with you that night despite having to work the next day and it was after 3am, helped you undress at your request, up and down the stairs, out of bed, off the couch and off the floor. I ignored the fact you were rubbing the back of your hand across my chest and crotch while muttering about being horny, wanting a blow job or to fuck.I even kissed you twice on the cheek at your request (I figured since I had already tucked you in on the couch you couldn't get up to hug good bye). I handed you tissue to wipe the vomit from your mouth, rubbed you back as you heaved and cleaned up the floor where you didn't make it to the bathroom. I listened as you told me about Vince, and Wade, one guy you aren't "dating" and the other some Internet crush. I listened as you told me your woes on finding a job, how desperately you wanted to find "someone', your worries about losing your home and your car, your dreams of installing a pool and a hot tub. I listened as any friend would and gave my advice where needed and offered my support. I laughed with you and I cried with you at your circumstance. I didn't judge. I never came over uninvited and never empty handed. I pulled more than my fair share of this friendship. I was always the one to reconnect whenever you felt guilty about having fun and would ignore me, sometimes for up to a month, because your pride was more important than a friendship or your fake image of being a mature responsible adult was faltering under your own repression. I encouraged your pursuit of employment when you were ready to give in and of your endeavor to get into shape. I let you know when there was hours available at work when you needed them and always encouraged others to call you first if they needed to be off. I'm the one waiting for an apology. I'm the one that was ignored at the White Party and told to go away in the club. I was the one who's calves hurt so bad I could hardly walk the next day from lifting and pulling your drunk ass. I'm the one who you didn't speak to or even look at for 4 hours the last time we worked together. And yet, just last Friday we hung together at the mall before work, laughing and planning. Saturday we spent hours together, getting ready for the White party, drinking, laughing, dancing around in towels and underwear like best friends. And I'm the one who is not a good friend? I'm the greatest friend you could ever had. but I will not be disrespected. I will not make you an priority when I'm only an option. I will not be used as a good time charlie. Whatever crush I had on you long since died. I looked to you as a big brother/best friend and was happy with that. I hate to see it end, but for my sanity I guess it must. I will not make the effort this time. If it doesn't come from you then it ain't gonna happen this time around. I wish you luck in your new job and finding that someone who can put up with your moods and catholic guilt issues.