Daddy Update

I stopped by my parents again this evening from work. My father has had a rough couple of days. My mother set up a doctor's appointment for Friday at 2:30pm. While there isn't much that can be done for the condition, maybe he can get some relief from the constant coughing and maybe that will help him breath easier and sleep better. My mother said he didn't eat hardly anything today. His appetite has dropped considerably over the last few months, so eating even less is disturbing in itself. He really looked bad. It worries me. I don't think he has the strength to be worried at this point. He just sits on the couch with is breathing tube on with his eyes closed when he isn't coughing. I wish there was something I could do to restore his health and vitality.

HoHum Updates

It has been a long boring week at work. I finally got my resume to Kay Jewelers. The district manger was there but doing a store visit (one of eleven in 2 days) and didn't have the time to talk. I did get to meet him though and he said we would talk sometime next week. The store manager told me she would be in contact with me as soon as she got back the online test results I had taken. I've got my fingers crossed, hoping and praying like crazy that I can get that job! I so want to get out of Macy's before Christmas!

I stopped by my parents the last two evenings on the way home. Daddy hasn't been doing so good. Coughing, and short of breath, mostly, which leads to no sleep. He looks bad and sounds worse. I can tell my mother is worried. I know I am. Sadly, the doctor told him Monday, that the bad valve in his heart can't be operated on, because of his lungs and of course, he can't be operated on for his lungs because of them either. Bless his heart....it's just sad that nothing more can be done, except wait for the end to come. The upside is no one knows when that will be.

I thought I had found someone but alas, it doesn't seem to be panning out that way. We have talked for several hours the last 6 days. Have agreed to meet 4 of those. Phillip has canceled at the last minute every time. I did cut him a little slack given his type of work and the hours it requires and the fact he has a 12 year old son he has shared custody. But really, it makes me think he isn't that committed to meeting me in the first place if he can't even make it a priority to meet me just once. And that was his idea and he is the one that got in touch with me. Of course, he has only been split from his ex for about 6 months and every time I log into Manhunt, he is on, even when chatting with me. Maybe he has done found someone he likes better. Who knows? I tried to message him earlier and it was ignored. I'm gonna leave this one alone!

I've heard through the grapevine that Tommy has a new job. It appears he had it the last time he worked, but didn't tell me or Jessica. Apparently, he didn't want us to know according to this source. Of course I think that was the exact reason he did tell them so it would get back to us and maybe we would reach out to congratulate him and he wouldn't have to make the effort. I'm happy for him.


On the upside, I've lost another 3 pounds as of this morning for a total of 11 pounds! Woohoo! And I'm on the final stretch of my Stop Smoking campaign. I've went from 20 to 30 cigarettes a day to 9, now at 6 and hopefully tomorrow 4 and done by Friday! Wish me luck!

Open Letter to Tommy

I'm sorry you don't think I've been a good friend to you. I think I have. I've invited you to parties, events and places. I took care of you twice when you had gotten sick. Once the first time we ever went out together and you mixed alcohol and a pain pill at Dan and Willie's party in Winston Salem. I drove the hour and half home with you passed out in the passenger seat, after you finally stopped throwing up. And then after the White Party after you got thrown out of the club hosting the after party ( and I still don't know why.). And that was after you told me in the club to "go away". I stayed with you that night despite having to work the next day and it was after 3am, helped you undress at your request, up and down the stairs, out of bed, off the couch and off the floor. I ignored the fact you were rubbing the back of your hand across my chest and crotch while muttering about being horny, wanting a blow job or to fuck.I even kissed you twice on the cheek at your request (I figured since I had already tucked you in on the couch you couldn't get up to hug good bye). I handed you tissue to wipe the vomit from your mouth, rubbed you back as you heaved and cleaned up the floor where you didn't make it to the bathroom. I listened as you told me about Vince, and Wade, one guy you aren't "dating" and the other some Internet crush. I listened as you told me your woes on finding a job, how desperately you wanted to find "someone', your worries about losing your home and your car, your dreams of installing a pool and a hot tub. I listened as any friend would and gave my advice where needed and offered my support. I laughed with you and I cried with you at your circumstance. I didn't judge. I never came over uninvited and never empty handed. I pulled more than my fair share of this friendship. I was always the one to reconnect whenever you felt guilty about having fun and would ignore me, sometimes for up to a month, because your pride was more important than a friendship or your fake image of being a mature responsible adult was faltering under your own repression. I encouraged your pursuit of employment when you were ready to give in and of your endeavor to get into shape. I let you know when there was hours available at work when you needed them and always encouraged others to call you first if they needed to be off. I'm the one waiting for an apology. I'm the one that was ignored at the White Party and told to go away in the club. I was the one who's calves hurt so bad I could hardly walk the next day from lifting and pulling your drunk ass. I'm the one who you didn't speak to or even look at for 4 hours the last time we worked together. And yet, just last Friday we hung together at the mall before work, laughing and planning. Saturday we spent hours together, getting ready for the White party, drinking, laughing, dancing around in towels and underwear like best friends. And I'm the one who is not a good friend? I'm the greatest friend you could ever had. but I will not be disrespected. I will not make you an priority when I'm only an option. I will not be used as a good time charlie. Whatever crush I had on you long since died. I looked to you as a big brother/best friend and was happy with that. I hate to see it end, but for my sanity I guess it must. I will not make the effort this time. If it doesn't come from you then it ain't gonna happen this time around. I wish you luck in your new job and finding that someone who can put up with your moods and catholic guilt issues.

Working For A Living

The job with Helzberg didn't pan out. Can't say I'm surprised. It had a weird vibe to it anyway.

The manager at Kay Jewelers has been talking to me. I had casually mentioned me wanting to leave Macy's and return to a full service jewelry store and that I had worked for Kay before and even helped set up the store she works in. She took it upon herself to check my background with the company, which she said I was highly recommended and then offered to set up an interview with her district manager, who is also wanting to meet with me. Woohoo! She said there was no reason for her to interview me as far as she was concerned, just fill out two test online from home and talk with the DM. Yesterday she informed me that most likely (I'm thinking if hired, though she didn't phrase it that way) I would go to work at Carolina Place mall as an assistant manager or to the Monroe store as an assistant manger or 3rd key, depending on what happens there in the interim.

I'm very excited about this! I'm all a tingle over it! I loved working for Kay Jewelers. I would have never left had the store location I worked at not been closed down. I'm hoping for the best. Also, so far, no mention of having to pass a credit report thingy!

White Party

Went to the White Party with Tommy.
Interesting night.
(Btw, lost 8 pounds)

Wednesday Tease

Wow!

Big Wheels

Me getting ready to mow my parent's 5 acre yard.

About Time

I finally have had enough of being fat! Woohoo! I tackled clutter around my home gym this morning and began exercising! Woohoo! It's still crowded in there, but I now have room to do the basic exercises to work my chest, biceps, abs, and shoulders. Woohoo! I'm so excited! I'm all a tingle!
I did 3 sets of 5 exercises this morning and had my heart rate up. Of course my warm up cardio was cleaning the room up! I broke a sweat and I can feel it now! I'm gonna do it! No more whining about being fat or having clothes that don't fit! I'm gonna be damn fine for next summer. I have tried dieting alone, which did help me go from 252 to 192, but still wasn't enough. Since working, I got back up to 210. This morning I weighted in at 208. This time, I'm gonna do it and keep doing it till they put me in the ground!

Just Maybe

I applied a couple of weeks ago with Helzberg Diamonds. I had spoken with the manager on the phone Friday. He asked about my experience in jewelry and such like normal. He also asked if I could pass a drug test, background check and a credit check. I told him the credit check may be iffy given I had to turn in my Saturn a couple of years ago, but no problem with the other two. Everything else is spot on so Saturday morning before going to work at Macy's, I went for an interview. Somehow the computer system, either theirs or mine scrambled my resume into such a mess, I had to completely redo the whole thing on their forms. No problem I got it fixed for them. In the meantime, the manger had a customer. Not totally unexpected on a Saturday in a mall. It took forever with them people and I finally had to leave to go to work. Soooooo......he is gonna do a credit check and let me know if we should bother to reschedule the interview. I've got my fingers crossed. I would love to get out of Macy's before Christmas with their ridiculous holiday hours.

Sport's Oops!

I really like this photo!

Don't Get It

I see lots of naked men. I see lots of porn. I see a lot of fetishes. It's all well and good, even if I'm not into it. However, there are a few things that I just don't understand at all. To me personally, I can't find anything about it the lest bit fascinating or erotic. I just don't get it, try as I might.
What is up with fisting? Really? Why would you want someones arm up your ass? How can that possible feel good whatsoever? Why put your health at risk or even you life for what exactly? It makes no sense to me.
What is up with pissing as well? Unless you have a contingency problem, I see no reason to piss on someone. Nothing about that turns me on at all. In fact, I think I would knock the crap of someone if they did it intentionally.
Uniforms, leather and the assorted sports gear I get. Clothing, environment, etc., can be very erotic with the right person or situation. Still not sure about spending all that money on it though, but if you can afford, have the closet space, have at it.
I prefer old fashion making love. Not fast and furious. Not relying on props and such, and certainly not worrying about if I need drawstrings installed in my ass when we are through. Give me someone who can hold me tight, kiss me tenderly and make sure the experience is memorable for all the right reasons and I'll have my U-Haul pack for the next visit. Simple, run of the mill, everyday sex is enough for me with the person I care about. Not a stranger or a group of them doing things I would never care to repeat or talk about to my closest friends. I'm very vanilla but passionate. Is that too much to ask these days?

Sunday Tease

Very Nice!

Happy Labor Day!

I'm gonna miss Summer!

Explain To Me...

Why am I good enough to share parts of your life with but none of your heart? I like you as a friend, but....
Is there something wrong with me that makes me unsought after romantically?
I'm I too friendly? Too caring? Too polite? Too nice?
Too fat? Too short? Too hairy?
Too poor? Don't drive the right car? Don't live in the right neighborhood?

Just what the fuck exactly makes me undate-able and uninteresting to other men?