Waiting

Watching the days turn to nights.
Another 24 hours has passed.
Nothing has really changed,
just more of the same.
I long for a different routine.
I crave the excitement of the new.
Too much time has lapsed.
So much worry.
Too much boredom.
Wound tight each day,
searching the horizon for a change;
in attitude,
in livelihood,
in anything.
But more of the same
flood towards me,
in torrents of despair,
of hope,
of everything but what I need.
Stuck in a quagmire of circumstance.
Waiting for rescue.
Hoping this new day
will deliver what I seek
but can't articulate.

Nothing New

Just waiting on the phone call from Macy's. I hate waiting...

My father's big test are tomorrow. He will undergo a stress test and CT scan. His yearly check up today was fine.

Not much has really changed around here. It's a tedious bore and a gut wrenching wait all rolled into one.

What's Up

Well, my first interview with Macy's was rescheduled for Friday the 23rd. Of course they called to let me know as I was pulling into their parking lot! Not happy about that, but whatever. Friday's interview went very well. I interviewed with two people. The last one I'm certain wanted to hire me on the spot, but deferred to other people to make a decision at the first of the week. I will hear from them sometime this week one way or the other. I nailed the interview, that I'm sure of. I'd be more surprised at not getting it, then if I do. I seem to be exactly what they are looking for in that position. It is not my ideal, only part time day hours in the fine jewelry department. I'd prefer full time, but they will allow me to work in other departments as the need arises if I chose. Also with the parents health issues, part time may not be a bad idea for now.

My mother went for her follow up visit to make sure she is in good shape for her reconstruction surgery next month. She is thankfully. It now depends on what is going on with my father as to whether it will still be done on August 15th or not. Thankfully, it is an out patient procedure, so that will help some.

My father's diagnosis isn't quite as cheery. They are doing a stress test, which he will fail, to determine whether he can undergo surgery for the tumor in his lung. They have also scheduled a biopsy to determine if it is indeed cancer or not. Sounds familiar doesn't it? Why they couldn't have done all this crap to start with is beyond me. Anyway, a CT scan of his head and neck is to be done too. There is concern that this tumor may have spread to his brain. Just gets better doesn't it? So once again, the only thing we know for certain is he will definitely have radiation for the tumor, whether cancerous or not, and surgery is still up in the air at this point and there is no definitive time frame for this all the begin.

Tuesday Tease

V.P.L.

A Little Bit of Good

This morning my mother went for a endoscopy exam. No problems with it thank goodness!

Tomorrow, my father goes to get the definitive diagnosis and treatment plan from the medical team. I'm so hoping it isn't cancer. All of us think it is though. Hopefully, we will be wrong.

Also, Wednesday, I have my interview at Macy's. I'm excited and nervous. I hope I get it. I don't care what the hours are, what position it is, or what the pay is. I just want a job!

The stress of the last couple of days has made me phyiscally ill. I woke up this morning with a headache and an upset stomach. I'm better now, just a little tired.

Yesterday, I worked in the bathroom at my parents old place. There was water damage that had to be repaired. I removed the toilet, took up the tile, and cut, chipped, and clawed away at the rotten subfloor. I finally got that replaced and filled. Now it is ready for the new tile whenever my parents arrange for that.

Saturday Tease

About The Same

As Wednesday draws closer, I have to say, the more my nerves are becoming frayed. I'm worried about what the doctors will say about what is going on with my father and all that will entail. I'm so nervous about my upcoming interview. I've tried to put it all out of my head, but it is still there simmering in the background. Too many what ifs and nothing solid to hold on to at this point.

I'm concerned that my father will have cancer. I'm concerned that whatever it turns out to be and whatever treatment they have to do will be his downfall. He's not in that great of health overall to begin with. It worries me that this may be the beginning of the end for him. Of course, I thought the same about my mother's breast cancer too and she has rebounded amazingly well. Her reconstructive surgery is scheduled for August 15th. I just hope that both my parents aren't in the hospital at the same time or undergoing some sort of treatment simultaneously. Not sure I can handle that, especially if I am fortunate enough to land the job with Macy's.

I can't believe how worried I am about interviewing for a sales job in a department store. My mother told me yesterday not to be too disappointed if I don't get it cause they may be 20 other people interviewing for the same position. She is correct on that part, but I would be disappointed. Devastated even. My first interview in 2 years, yep, it would be a sever blow to me. If they want experience I have it in spades, selling many different products over the years and retail management experience to boot. I'm making sure I look polished and sharp.

I have have got to get this job somehow. I can't handle this unemployment much longer without going insane. I applied for food stamps. A whooping $137 a month. Woohoo! Not really enough, but better than nothing I guess. Sadly it will only cover food only. Nothing like toothpaste, toilet paper, Windex, nothing you can't eat. And no alcohol or tobacco either. They really want unemployment to be as miserable as possible.

I really just need to win the lottery. It would help with a lot of this stress. It may not restore my parents health, but I wouldn't worry about being able to care for them. I could even hire someone to help me if need be. At some point, I just need to catch a break. Something needs to go in my favor.

Tuesday Tease

Wanna jump into bed with me?

What A Man

I'm still chatting with the sweet fella, Scott. Alas, I don't see it going anywhere though. With his schedule and low sex drive, it appears we will most likely remain in the friend category. We both like each other. Both turn the other on. Both really enjoyed our romp. But. There is always a but. He just really doesn't need sex or intimacy as often as I do. So sad, cause he is really good at it! Oh well, maybe one day, we may hook up again, though I'm not holding my breath nor waiting around, pining away for him. Maybe I will meet someone that is just as good at it, that is more into it and more willing to commit to at least a date occasionally.

Happy Birthday

Today is my mother's 71st birthday!

Happy birthday Mama!

So glad you are still here!

Love you!

Howdy

I want to apologize to my readers for my sporadic postings as of late. I just have nothing to really say and there are only so many quizzes and hot men you can look at till it becomes a bore. I've read over many of my post as of late and they seem to repeat the same tired stories of parental illness, unemployment, frustration and very little else. So please forgive me if my postings aren't as regular as they once were. I'm waiting on something new and exciting to happen that will be worth writing about and reading. Thanks so much for your loyalty and support during these trying times for me. I feel truly blessed.

Friday Tease

Hello weekend!!

The Coffee Shop Test

You Are a Traditionalist

You aren't impressed by anything that's too modern. You go for whatever is classic. Some may call you a bit old school, but you know that old school eventually becomes new school! You are sophisticated and classy. You don't try to grab attention, but you always get plenty of it anyway. You are rich in personality, spirit, and probably even wealthy. You never flaunt your advantages.

The Coffee Shop Test

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Zombies Part Two

A friend I had posted about here, dropped by for an unexpected visit today. Seems he has had more health trouble. He fell down the stairs and had swelling on the brain. He doesn't recall much about it or the time frame. He was transported to a local hospital after being semi- conscience in his room at home for 2 days before any room mate decided to check on him after discovering blood on the floor outside his bedroom door. He vaguely recalls taking two bottles of pills in his haze. He wasn't sure if he was attempting suicide or not, but committed himself to a psyche ward at Duke University hospital for a month after the local hospital released him. They also checked him out for any issues with his lung transplant. It seems his entire reason to visit was once again to ask something of me. This time to move in here, because now there is an underlying tension with his room mates that makes him uncomfortable. I politely declined. The nerve of this guy is staggering. So is his stupidity. I feel for him, but I ain't going there. I have enough on my plate with my parents and my own problems. If he were on the streets homeless and couldn't drive his Range Rover, I may reconsider. Or if he had repaid any money what so ever or even returned a DVD from last year, I may reconsider. Since none of that applies, it ain't gonna happen.

Thursday Tease

Hot like the weather!!!

Something Good This Way Comes

Finally, some small bits of good news!

My parents sprung for me another A/C unit. Thank Heavens! The previous 18 day stretch of temps over 90 just about done me in. Yesterday was 99 here. Inside, before it was installed was 95 degrees! It took a while to cool it down, but it is a nice, comfortable 73 degrees! As I type this, it is 97 degrees and code orange air quality. It will literally make you gasp when you step out the door. My parents are so good to me. I really don't deserve them.

In other good news! After 2 years of applying and sending resumes to untold jobs, I finally have snagged an interview. Granted it is just an interview, but that in itself sure feels good! It is scheduled for July 21st at 2pm. I'm so excited, so nervous. I'm all a tingle over it! I can't believe after all this time I finally get to sit face to face and sell myself to a company. It only a sales position in Macy's, but I'll take it if they offer it and whatever salary. I need a job! I want a job! I can't wait!

Tuesday Tease

Sometimes you just want to fly away....

World of Wonder

Glad laptops became more portable.

Damn Spots

What is wrong with these doctors? After all the test, the only conclusion is that it is serious and something needs to be done about it. Well, duh! Now we have to wait another 2 weeks to have a meeting with all 5 doctors and specialist to have a discussion about it and then plan what to do. It is so frustrating! They said surgery would be a last resort because of the condition of his lungs. If they wait much longer, they can do a post mortem exam! He has had 2 PET scans, 2 CT scans, a broncholospy(?), X-rays, and a biopsy. How incompetent are these people or are they just milking the insurance company at the expense of my father's health? If it wasn't cancer to begin with, it will be after all this radiation.

Monday Tease

Future ex husband...

Afternoon Giggle

My Weekend

I went to a nude pool party Saturday afternoon with some friends. Made a few new ones and saw a few old ones too. Got a little too much sun on my shoulders but don't think it will peel. Went to the lake house for family time. Forgot the camera, but still had a good time and good food.
Also, a friend told me he was HIV positive. I had suspected it for a while. It is still shocking to hear none the less. He assures me he has comes to terms with it and is very healthy for now. That makes 5 I'm aware of that are positive. (Of the 14 friends I've lost, 12 were AIDS or AIDS related illnesses).
Overall, it has still been a good weekend with that one exception. One day at a time.

Independence Day

Friday Tease

My Day

Well, my parents are at the lake, so I'm dog and plant sitting again. I took care of their little dog this morning and will go back this evening to do the same. I ran errands this afternoon. I took a chain and pendant to the pawn shop for some cash. Then went to the Department of Social Services to apply for food stamps. It was a relative quick and easy process, though humiliating. My parents have been very generous, but this will help all of us out. They can save some money and I can stick with my diet, cause my mother always gets the fattening stuff for me from the grocery store. The best part of the day was the stop by the liquor store for a bottle of rum. Can't wait to crack open the seal on that this evening. I'm also very happy the temps have dropped back down in the low 80's with low humidity. The place hasn't been 90 degrees for the last couple of days. Woohoo!

Thursday Tease