Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dead Man Walking

Today brought an unexpected visitor to my door, a friend, I thought quite honestly was dead. It was good to see I was mistaken but also a lot of unpleasant memories surfaced after he had left. I realize that he has been through a lot in the last two years. I understand and respect that. I know he was unable to make good on the arrangements to repay me because of them. I also noticed that he is still manipulative and self serving despite his near brush with death. He hasn't changed a bit. I ,sadly, found myself thinking how easier my life was when he wasn't around and I thought he was dead. Now the opportunity presents itself to pick up where we left off or let it drift away.

The back story is this. In 2006, we befriended each other. He even said he could be my best friend. I took him at his word. I learned he was in dire need of a lung transplant. Toward the end of 2007, it happened unexpectedly. He was in the hospital for all of 2008 for recovery, rehabilitation, other surgeries and infections. Well over $1,000,000 worth of medical bills paid by Medicare. By the way, as a side note, he is only 41, has a son that doesn't live with him and is straight.

Needless to say, with all that was going on, our contact tapered off to zilch. Before all of this happened, I would do things to help him out. I put the car and insurance in my name, though he doesn't have a valid driver's license. I gave him a line on my phone account. I would take him 3 hours up the interstate to the doctors he used at Duke hospital. I took him to file for Medicare, to see his brother in South Carolina (manipulated), hauled him to the grocery store, the barber shop (manipulated), etc. Occasionally we would do something fun, like a movie, but not often. Most of it centered around being manipulated into taking care of stuff for him. If he had asked me upfront to do so, I would have planned accordingly and gladly done so. But don't tell me one thing and when I get there change it to something else, knowing after I hear you wheeze, cough and gasp for air, I can't say no.

When he first went into the hospital, a female friend sent me one check for what he owed me from 2 months back. That was it. The last phone bill, his half was $285. I lost service because of it. I couldn't pay it. I paid on the car insurance for another 6 months because I knew he needed to get to the doctor and back. Finally, I transferred the car back to him and cancelled the insurance after not hearing from him for 6 months.

He shows up, out of the blue today, wanting to resume our friendship. I feel used and manipulated. I honestly don't want to be around him. I'm glad he survived the double lung transplant, the heart operation, and all the infections, but I don't like the feeling of being used. One of the first things he mentioned was repaying me. He invited me to his house to watch a movie tonight. He also wants us to go to pride together next week. It all sounds great. A straight best friend. But I've been burned too much in the past, not just with him. I think knowing he ain't dead is enough for me.

Am I being an asshole?

P.S Also, he once again asked about insurance and retitling his car in my name while he works on getting his license. (BTW, I'm not going to his house tonight.)


Kelly said...

You are not being an asshole... you are being smart... let him go... when he actually pays you back... then consider, maybe not even then... but for now... let it go...

Ultra Dave said...

Thanks Kelly, maybe I've learned my lesson after all.

Ur-spo said...

if your intuition is saying 'no' please listen.
our guts tell us the truth before the mind tries to override it with intellectual BS.

Peter said...

I totally agree with Kelly, he's using you, using you badly. Let him go!

Just go by yourself to Pride and have a great time.

Ray's Cowboy said...

I have to agee with kelly. you are being smart not an asshole. I would tell him you do not have the time or effort to do things with him at this time. Ask him about the money he owes you and see where that goes to...
Hope all is well with you my freind.

Lemuel said...

a) you are not being an asshole.
b) run, do not walk, away from this man! He needs some serious professional help and he will suck you dry (and not in a good way ;) ) emotionally and financially. I might ask where his brother is in all this.

Ultra Dave said...

Thanks guys! It is nice to be reassured once in a while.

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