Here's Your Sign

Good to know!

Waiting For Mr Goodbar

Obviously, I've had a one track mind lately. It may seem that way, but actually, I've always been looking for a husband. Always have been. Trying to find that one special guy that will always be around no matter what. Through thick and thin. Till death do us part kinda guy. The one that rocks my world. The one that will be my rock to cling to in a storm. I want a man that I can trust. That is faithful and loyal. That is kind, considerate, thoughtful. Someone that can make me laugh. Someone to talk to about anything and everything. Or just enjoy the silence with. A guy that likes to go out occasionally or stay home cuddled up on the sofa. A man that gets my sense of humor and laughs. A man that smiles when he sees me. One that doesn't shut me out emotionally. Someone that learns me. My interests. My likes and dislikes. Someone who puts in as much effort into "us" as I do. A partner. A lover. A friend. A confidant. The man doesn't have to be perfect. No should they remind me that I'm not. Being romantic is a huge plus. Someone that makes me feel good about myself and being with them. I want hugs and kisses everyday for no reason other than he wants to feel close to me. This may be more than one man can handle. I would like to think not. It may be fantasy guy. I don't think so though. I've found these traits to varying degrees in a few guys. I haven't dated many guys. Been with a few though. I learned not to set too high a bar. Keep my expectations realistic. Take my time. Be honesty and forthright from the get go. Not to rush the physical side of things. I've seen some opportunities pass me by because I wasn't ready. I don't regret them. If it was meant to be, I wouldn't be writing this. I learned to seize opportunities whether I'm in the perfect place in my life or not. They are too fleeting and rare to waste. These are my hopes. I think very realistic and obtainable. I'm just waiting to see where it goes from here.

Pre Birthday Surprise

Tommy surprised me at work with this card and small box of chocolate candy!

How sweet was that?

The inside of the card. It makes noises of bull riding and such when you open it up.

I laughed so hard! I opened it several times. I'm sure people thought I was insane.

If we hadn't been at work, I would have given him a big hug! Maybe even a kiss on the cheek!

Jessica and Tommy went in together for the birthday cookie. Yum Yum!

That made my day. Two of my other coworkers sang "Happy Birthday" to me.

I was beet red from embrassment! It was a wonderful surprise to a dreary day at work.

Falling in love makes you vulnerable. Being in love makes you strong. ~ Ultra Dave

Dinner

Chicken breast stuffed with cheese and spinach. Rice with gravy.

Corn on the cob. A nice Chardonnay Pinot Grigio wine.

Apple pie with vanilla ice cream and drizzled with chocolate syrup.

Tommy. Great chef and charming company.

He cooked. He had a candle lite. We listened to soft music. We ate. We cleaned up the dishes. We talked. We sat thisclose on the sofa.

I helped with his website.

We hugged goodnight 6 hours later.

Had a wonderful time.

Someone In The Kitchen

Tommy has invited me over for tomorrow night. He wants to cook dinner for me. I told him I'd bring the wine. I stopped and purchased 2 bottles. I wonder what desert will be? I'll let you know how it goes! (There may be pics!)

There I Am

There I am.

Waiting for an answer.

Wanting you near.

Hoping for the best.

There I am.

In the same spot I've found myself before.

Where I said I'd never be again.

Doing all the things I didn't want to do once more.

There I am.

But this time it is with you.

This time we travel this path together.

Now it doesn't seem so futile.

Here I am.

Strings And Such

The last time Tommy and I worked together, I noticed a few strings on the back of his shirt. I removed them for him, cause "my man" needs to look sharp. He said "Thanks" and added, "Well, there isn't anyone at home to take care of me." I thought to myself, "Where do I apply for that job?" All I want to do is take care of him. I want to make sure he smiles everyday. Has someone to hug him every morning. And someone to kiss every night. Obviously, I want that someone to be me! Every time he is near, I want to throw myself at him. I want him to hug me. I keep picturing us cuddled up on his sofa together. When I hear his voice, I get goosebumps. When I see him get off the escalator at work, my whole disposition changes. I go from butch to giggling school girl. He drives me insane! I wonder if I have the same effect on him? He is so reserved it's hard to tell. He does have a big smile on his face too.

Maybe Sunday

Things are still moving slowly with Tommy. But they are moving. There is a familiarity now that is quite comforting, at least to me. Hope it is to him as well. He has asked me to come over Sunday to help him with a website he for his work. I'm not certain if that will happen. There was a death of a close friend Wednesday. He spent a great deal of time with her before she passed in the hospital. I had wondered why he wasn't answering email and such over the last few days. When I did get to chat to him, he filled me in. Bless his heart. I feel so sorry for him. I do know how he feels. I've done my best to let him know I'm there for him if he needs me. The rest is up to him. I'm not certain if Sunday will still happen. I'll be surprised if it does, given the situation. I will understand if he wants to postpone it till later. The choice is his. I'm not gonna ask about it. Meanwhile, I try not to be too annoying.

2011 AIDS Walk Charlotte

I have decided to join the AIDS Walk again
to benefit R.A.I.N.,
(Regional AIDS Interfaith Network).
They provide many services and help raise
AIDS awareness.

My blogger buddies didn't disappoint me last year.

I ask again this year for your help.
Please donate to this worthy cause if you can.
Every little bit helps.
AIDS Walk Charlotte 2011
Thank you so much!

March of Time

Another turn at getting older. It happens to everyone at least once a year. My birthday is quickly approaching. I don't dread it per say, but I'm not ready to embrace 46 just yet. I don't really feel like I've lived forty six years! I may have existed or been around that long, but not truly lived. I think that is what bothers me the most about this upcoming birthday. This close to 50, and I've done nothing meaningful with my life. No house, no retirement, very few friends I could call on, no traveling, not even decent furniture to sit on. I find that quite sad actually. All the best memories were from so long ago, until last year. I constantly feel behind, playing catch up and this 46th birthday reminds me of that. Not that I've survived this long, that I've outlived most of my friends. Not that I'm a well rounded, well adjusted, intelligent person, but of every failure in my life, even though, those are the very things that makes me who I am today. I don't know, guess this close to the half century mark, I expected more from myself, something better and absolutely different than my current circumstance. Well, guess I have something to work toward for the next 50 years.

Whatcha Think?

Do we make a cute couple?

(Tommy is way cuter than me, but that's ok!)

Slow And Steady

I have worked with Tommy a few times since the "event". I thought it may be awkward. It wasn't. We continue to email, chat, text and call each other. I'm afraid of over doing it. I'm not as reserved as he is. I just do as I feel. He likes to think things through. Typical Gemini. And I'm typical Aries. The tone has changed from light hearted flirting to something deeper. I've shared some of my secrets as has he. We haven't had any time together, just us alone. It is always at work. His schedule is open, but mine is occupied by work and doing for my parents. He does stuff for his mother and with his family. I want to suggest stuff and do, but he is worried about money. I understand that. He is a bit of a control freak by his own admission. So me picking up the tab at this stage seems to not be favorable as far as he is concerned. I try to hold back and not push. It is very hard for me to do. When I meet someone I'm attracted to and really like, I'm full steam ahead until it's obvious they either don't feel the same way or there isn't any chance of it working. I'm still trying to figure it out with him.

Last Saturday, he, I and Jessica worked together. She overstepped a few boundaries that really pissed him off and bothered me as well. Tommy is a private person. He doesn't like everyone to know his business. I don't blame him. Jessica was ready to tell the world about the "event". Tommy didn't like that. It was a bit tense for a while. Tommy didn't want to discuss it with her. I stayed out of their way. He was a bit sulky, but still nice in a professional manner. Jessica also suggested me move in as a roommate to help with his expenses. I didn't like that too much. I don't think he did either, though he wasn't opposed to the idea either. Like he didn't want to say it was too early for that and maybe not as roommates. The same thing I was thinking but didn't say either. I just smiled and nodded.

Overall, things are moving along, still not sure of the exact direction. But numerous text, emails etc. lead me to believe he doesn't want to rush for whatever reason. I'm gonna be me. He is free to be him. I have no expectations. I don't require a response to everything I send him. He is worth the wait as far as I can tell. I certainly am. I'm ready to cuddle and at least have our first kiss. Hopefully it will come......soon.

Food For Thought

The up escalator is under maintenance at work. A cute young guy asked me this morning, "If I go down, how do I get back up?". I almost replied, "I'll grab you by your ears."

Meanderings

Just sitting here, with nothing to do since American Idol is on and not Glee. Well, I am thinking of a certain someone. Since I don't want to scare him away, I'm refraining from calling him. He is much more reserved than me, though Friday night showed an entirely different side of him I've never seen. (I liked it very much by the way.) I was surprised and delighted with it actually. My mind has taken me places I dare not dwell on. I don't want to jinx it, or push it. I want this to be a totally different approach to a relationship, if it should go there, than I've ever done before. I'm not sure where it will lead. I know when I talked to him Monday briefly, he said he "enjoyed it too. " Now whether that is on the same level or not, who knows for sure. Other conversations, emails and text lead me to believe so. In one in email, he did say "not to work so hard. He would have me over for cocktails" when his income picks up from his new job. (It's commission based.) I get the feeling he thinks he needs to spend money on me to keep me entertained. He don't. He makes me happy just being near. Of course, I've told him in so many words the same. I understand. I was in the same position not long ago myself.
He has never had a live in relationship. His last relationship lasted a year or so and was long distance. I've been in a couple of long term relationships that did involve living together. He is kinda inexperienced compared to me. Almost makes me feel like a slut. He's a good catholic boy. Close to his big family. (7 brothers and sisters.) He likes to country line dance, something I tried to learn years ago. He rarely goes out except to do that when the chance arises. I'd love to have him teach me. He's soft spoken, with a wicked sense of humor. He seems to get mine. I laugh all the time I'm with him. Oddly, he is the first guy I truly feel comfortable around. I still have my secrets as I'm sure he does, but over time I can see us sharing them. We are very open with each other in that cautious getting to know each other way. Surprised that something hasn't scared the hell out of him yet.