As Usual

What a morning this has been and I haven't even got to work yet! Went for a breakfast biscuit and to add air the the front left tire. As I was pullling out of the parking lot, the tire blew out! I'm just glad it wasn't in my drive way because it slopes or on the highway and have to deal with the traffic and sweating in my work clothes. Small favors right?

I visited with my parents yesterday. Got to see my sister, youngest nephew and niece that were down for a while. We all had lunch. I had to go get gas for the tractor and add a little oil too. Daddy went with me. I think just to get out of the house. I mowed the 5 acres at the other place. Then tilled up a spot for my mother to plant turnips and cabbage.

I liked the little outing with my father. I talked to him about my money situation and how small my checks are every week. I also told him about the phone interview, which actually seem to make him happy, that I was trying to improve my income. We rode through a neighborhood that my mother keeps mentioning whenever we talk about houses for me. I told him my take on it and he agreed it probably isn't the best place to purchase. I think he is finally understanding what I've been trying to tell them all along. It's gonna take money to get what they want me to have and they are gonna have to change their expectations of what is available and where it is located. I've been looking at houses in that area for over 20 years. Now he sees what I've been trying to get them to understand. My mother still doesn't get it, but see is learning it ain't like it use to be around there.

In fact they have decided to subdivide the old place into lots to get it to move quicker. I showed them the Zillow website so they can get an idea of what the market is really like. It gives them a plethora of information to help make better decisions than just assuming they know from what they did 20 years ago. I did convince them to contact their accountant to find out the impact of subdividing verses selling it as a whole. It will cost them more in taxes, but guess they would rather do that than wait forever for the entirety to sell. We may go back to the idea of building depending on the market and what's available at that time. Who knows? Everything is so up in the air. I just want to get on with it already. As I said in an earlier post, I'm in a holding pattern and I'm desperate for some forward movement on some front.

Musing

Not sure where all the introspection is coming from lately. Guess I've reached that point that I'm not content and I'm trying to figure out why. Obviously, my parent's health have some bearing on this. The hold up with selling their old place and figuring out do we subdivide or not is a weight as well. Of course there is the whole job/money thing. I had kinda hoped working again would alleviate that and to some degree it did, just not as much as I would have liked it to. Also the waiting to hear back about the job I applied for is agonizing. I'm not as patient as I use to be nor is time standing still for me to catch up. Then there is the whole looking for a house, looking at plans thing that seems like a total waste of time, given how slow things are moving on my parent's old place. I wonder why I bother at all. And last but not least, there is Tommy. I'm treating him as a friend though that isn't what I want. Given his circumstance and state of mind, I feel it is less stress on both of us, if there were ever a chance of an "us". I don't want to miss the opportunity if it exist and is currently clouded over because of his situation. I think it would be a very sad loss to us both to dismiss it so readily, but I honestly have no clue how to approach it any other way. Usually when I find things so burdensome, I write about it to help sort it out. It doesn't make for an interesting read but it is cathartic to let it out. So here I sit, typing my little heart out, trying to make sense of it all. If something would give just a little or something just fall in to place or click, I feel everything else would domino. It would all be as it should, but no such luck as of yet. Nothing is giving at the moment. I'm stuck in the holding pattern that seems to define so much of my life. I wait. I get frustrated. I want to give up worrying about anything and everything. Then I dive in again. Maybe one day it will change but it can't happen quick enough. I may have to bitch slap it when it does show for taking so long.

Yep, It's Hot

Another hot humid day here in NC. The 8th straight day of temps over 90 degrees. So far, I've managed with the one A/C unit. It did manage to reach 95 degrees one day inside this tin box I call home. I have lots of fans running and I keep a close eye on Izzy. I leave the bedroom door slightly ajar, where the A/C is, so he can go cool off if need be and make sure he has plenty of water. I even put ice in his water bowl for the little bugger. I worry more for him than me. He isn't use to the heat. He has always been an inside dog. It's just a nuisance for me, nothing more. I have to admit, it has affected my blogging this week. My laptop is in the hottest part of the trailer. I open the window later in the day and run 4 fans in to stir up the air, but without cross ventilation, it just winds up feeling like a convection oven.

Couple the heat and humidity with the concerns over my father, and it makes for one very frustrated guy. I don't have a good feeling about it. The same as with my mother. My hunches are rarely wrong. My father is taking it in stride, not getting to worked up over it till the test come back, but he has expressed he thinks it could be cancer too. My mother is trying to hold it together, but gets very emotional when they discuss more test or the what ifs. My father has redone his will and set up a trust for me, just to make sure I get a house, regardless of what happens. At this point, he couldn't help me build one like we had planned. He just doesn't have it in him any more.

Of course, I'm still searching for a job. Still waiting for my last tier of unemployment benefits to kick in. I'm just about broke, again. The timing couldn't be worse with all that is going on with my parents. I just hope I can get something before the end of the month, before all the monthly bills start over. I may have enough to cover them, but nothing left over for other stuff, like gas, or buying my own groceries, or spending money. I hate to be a burden to them right now. I pray ever night for a job and winning the lottery. Sometimes it all seems for naught. I'm more thankful for what I do have rather than worry over what I don't. It helps me get through the day.

Scott and I are still talking about every other day for an hour or more. We still want to get together. Him working third shift usually only leaves the weekend. Hopefully we'll do it soon. I want to invite him to a pool party with my high school buds on the 26th, but I would like to hook up one more time first. Just so I know the chemistry wasn't a fluke. If we don't before then, I won't invite him. I'll just go alone as I usually do to these events.

Home Sweet Home

This is the floor plan for the new place.

It's not much, but it will be mine!

(And it beats this mobile home)

Done Dozin'

The new road tile installed. My parents and I

will be sharing this. It will be their

upper drive to the garage.

From the east looking west towards my parent's.

From the north looking south, which will
be the front yard.

This is where my drive will be located.

This is the log pile. Don't let it fool you.
I'm 5'8" and it was taller than me!

Still Dozin'

Clearing part of the driveway area.

The tree line at the edge of the front yard.

Side yard.

Tree line for the back yard taking shape.


Still a few more trees to remove, then some rough
grading. More pictures to follow.

Worn Out!

I am so freakin', unbelievably exhausted right now, I can't hardly think straight. The 'dozer guy was pushing up trees and stumps from 7:30am to 5:15pm and I was right there with him too! He would push a tree down, I'd trim it up and cut it into 12 foot lengths. My father had a doctor's appointment so he missed the fun till about 11am. I managed to keep up with the 'dozer guy though. I have pics to post about how it is progressing, but right now I'm too tired to resize and post them. It is starting to look like a home place! Exciting, after 20 years of wondering if and when I could build there. Now, it finally seems it may just happen one day soon.

Just Dozin'

I have looked forward to this day for

20 years, 1 month and 1 week.

That was when my

grandfather gave me

this land.

Thank you!

Venting 101

I try not to complain much on my blog, but sometimes it just feels good to do it.

This has been a very trying week for me. Not exactly sure why. I have been continuously frustrated day after day this week. Part of it is school, part of it is money related and the rest is just the general slow pace of getting the land cleared. We are still waiting for the damn bulldozer guy to show up.

Of course all the backyard and side yards being dug up hasn't helped either. It looked like I was installing a moat around the trailer. Thankful it hasn't rained or it would have been a muddy mess for sure. I lost the Magic Carpet Spirea I so tenderly nursed because it it. That really pissed me off and I let the dumb ass responsible have an ear full. After dodging them all morning, he plows over them after I leave. To say I was furious would be an understatement.

School is going fine, at least grade wise. The two classes on two different campuses is wearing thin and using a lot of freaking gas. I'm trying to catch up in one class that I missed a day in because of a sinus headache that morphed into a migraine. Up till then we only done maybe one graded assignment a week, that day we did five! I completed one and doing my best to catch up the other 4 by going in an hour early. That makes for a long evening class. It was already a 2 hour class. I'm exhausted on my school days.

I'm still helping my parents around the other house, trying to get it ready for them to move into before Thanksgiving. There is still so much to do even after a year. Thankfully, all of it is outdoor related. The new deck, a workshop to be built, a greenhouse moved, the yard sowed as soon as the bulldozer guy shows up.

Then there is the work of clearing, grading and sowing my house site. Since construction most likely won't begin till after the first of the year, I'm gonna go ahead and put out grass seed to keep the topsoil from washing way. I can also move a few of my remaining shrubs over there out of the way.

Once my parents are moved, we can start on their old place, readying it to be put on market. That seems like another year's worth of busy. I'm sure it won't take that long but after this last year of fixer upper crap, I've about had enough of it. We are supposedly gonna start moving some of the furniture over to the other place Monday. Maybe we can get started painting in those vacated rooms. There is a long list of stuff to do to spruce it up.

My unemployment has officially ran out. There are no job prospects. If I could find one, I have to consider how it will effect finishing school or do I have to give up on it in order to work. My money has dried up. My mother bitches because I need gas money or spending money every few days. I work to earn it from them. It isn't a gift. If I was fortunate enough to land a job, then how are they gonna manage to do all that is still needed? There isn't enough of me or hours in the day to do it all. Helping them 3 and 4 days a week, school 2 days a week, plus homework and just general taking care of my own shit, consumes my entire week. No money or time to party anymore. If I got a job, something will have to fall by the wayside.

Well enough venting and ranting for now. Hope everything is better in your neck of the woods.

What I've Done This Week

Stakes for one corner of the house.

The only remaining brush pile.

Trees marked for removal by the bulldozer.

More trees marked. Thirty in all.

View to my grandparents'/parents' house.

Busy Busy

Well, we have been at it again, now that we have finished up the renovations on my grandparent's house for my parents. We have cleared out some more trees and brush on my property. Some time within the next week, the bulldozer will arrive to remove stumps, level the place up and install the driveway. I'll get some pictures up of the before and after.

We still have to get my father's shop built, get my parents moved, and fix up the yard. As well as do some minor cosmetic touch ups to their current house before putting it on the market. Once it is sold, we will begin building. Hopefully, it will sell quickly and we can get started.

The plan has been chosen, again. This makes the third one. It has been a difficult choice as to what to build. I don't need much space and trying to find a small, functional plan was more problematic than I thought it would be. I think I've looked at almost a thousand plans. I would love to show it to y'all, but with the copyright laws are, I don't wanna take the chance of a violation.

It is only 1,000 sq ft. It has 3 bedrooms and one full bath that connects directly to the master bedroom and hallway with a laundry closet. The living room, dining room and kitchen are all open to one another, making it seem rather spacious. A large front porch and large open rear deck round out the plan. It has amble closet space for storage and wall space for furniture and art placement. A nice gas fireplace with flanking built in bookcases to either side. Some of the details are still being debated depending on cost such as the hardwood floors through out and granite counter tops, but when further along I'll be able to tell more about it.

So far, so good, even if a bit of a glacier pace. I'm getting a bit more excited as details are firmed up. Hopefully, with all the carefully planning, I won't have to cut corners to get it finished and on budget. That's where it stands as of today.

How The Garden Will Grow

The colorized version of the mediation/memory garden.

The arbor/gate covered in this vine.

Center gazebo covered in this rose.

These planted en mass around base of weeper.

Two of these benches on opposite sides.

The inner and outer borders of the garden.

Everything else is planted as in-fill between the inner and

outer border, mixed up, for different color, heights.

and bloom times.

And that, hopefully, will be how my garden grows!

And Another One Down

Well, my father and I cut some more trees on my property this morning. We got 8 cut before it started pouring rain. There is now a nice little open area where you can actually look up and see the sky! There is still more to cut and clear and remove, but we are making some progress. We had lunch while it rained, but afterward decided to remove some stuff from their yard. It looks a lot better with some of the piles of discarded lumber gone. We even tackled tearing the old playhouse down. It was filled with junk my grandfather had just tossed in to get it out of sight. My sister and I both had taken pictures of it not long ago for the memories. Soon that will all that will be left of it.

Slightly Green Thumb

Magic Carpet Spirea before

After blooms open. I'm excited they are still alive!

Garden Plan

Here it is. The gardening masterpiece. The entry arbor/gate is at the bottom and covered with a climbing blue rose. The pleurant is at the top, planted around with forget-me-nots. The left and right sides will be either two other statues or garden benches, I haven't decided which yet. The center is a round metal arbor covered with climbing white roses, slightly elevated. The outer perimeter is a low maintenance evergreen shrub. The inner border is black grass. The infill between the two are mixed bulbs, day lilies, Asiatic lilies, tulips, daffodils, etc., of varying colors, heights and bloom times. The walkway will be pea gravel. Nice solar lighting will make it useful at night. I can't wait to get started and see everything come together.