My So-Called Life

Ho hum. My money is officially in the red, not completely broke yet, but so close it already hurts to think about it. I have read and reread the doctor's report from my testing. In one sentence he states I have Inattentive Disorder, in the next I don't. Past history indicates otherwise regardless of his interpretation of the results. I'm gonna set up an appointment with him and take my mother so he can explain it to both of us.

I'm worried about school. I can't afford to keep losing interest or freaking out and not finishing the course. I honestly don't think I can work and attend school. My mind is not wired that way. I can do one thing and one thing only it seems at a time. I hate to give up on school, but if worse comes to worse, I will. It won't be the first time I failed at something. I often wonder why I ever bother to try. I'll take some other dead end, unsatisfying job till I grow bored or get fired and start the pattern over yet again.

Of course all this news has perturbed my mother, which in turn causes me great stress, that I don't need or handle very well. She thinks I should sit in the trailer and do absolutely nothing that cost money. That is half my problem, yet she fails to realize it. Could I have saved more? Sure. Who couldn't? But is it really living to deprive yourself of every little joy for the sake of a few bucks? I think not. Yet another source of stress with my parents. Always money. They hoard till it hurts then only spend if it's an investment with tangible benefits. I spend and enjoy cause we ain't promised anything in life. I can't wait to win the lottery!

My health has improved somewhat. From the high weight of 252 two years ago to stalling around 220-210 for the last year, it has now moved to 208! A grand loss of 44 pounds! Of course with tight funds, I will have to give up my Lean Cuisines in favor of cheaper, unhealthier fair. My sinuses have finally stopped draining constantly, therefore the persistent cough is clearing up. My stomach is somewhat back to normal, though my change in diet has also effected it to some small degree. Having spent money to go out and be around people some the last 3 weeks definitely helped lift my spirits. That will most likely be short lived as well with the budget now stretched thin. I still don't regret any of it though. Everything I spent was worth the mental boost and nice feelings it still provides. Mother can just get over it.

Thank Goodness I'm Ultra Dave, mere mortals couldn't stand the stress of my existence. At times, I barely can.