Friday, July 17, 2009

My So-Called Life

Ho hum. My money is officially in the red, not completely broke yet, but so close it already hurts to think about it. I have read and reread the doctor's report from my testing. In one sentence he states I have Inattentive Disorder, in the next I don't. Past history indicates otherwise regardless of his interpretation of the results. I'm gonna set up an appointment with him and take my mother so he can explain it to both of us.

I'm worried about school. I can't afford to keep losing interest or freaking out and not finishing the course. I honestly don't think I can work and attend school. My mind is not wired that way. I can do one thing and one thing only it seems at a time. I hate to give up on school, but if worse comes to worse, I will. It won't be the first time I failed at something. I often wonder why I ever bother to try. I'll take some other dead end, unsatisfying job till I grow bored or get fired and start the pattern over yet again.

Of course all this news has perturbed my mother, which in turn causes me great stress, that I don't need or handle very well. She thinks I should sit in the trailer and do absolutely nothing that cost money. That is half my problem, yet she fails to realize it. Could I have saved more? Sure. Who couldn't? But is it really living to deprive yourself of every little joy for the sake of a few bucks? I think not. Yet another source of stress with my parents. Always money. They hoard till it hurts then only spend if it's an investment with tangible benefits. I spend and enjoy cause we ain't promised anything in life. I can't wait to win the lottery!

My health has improved somewhat. From the high weight of 252 two years ago to stalling around 220-210 for the last year, it has now moved to 208! A grand loss of 44 pounds! Of course with tight funds, I will have to give up my Lean Cuisines in favor of cheaper, unhealthier fair. My sinuses have finally stopped draining constantly, therefore the persistent cough is clearing up. My stomach is somewhat back to normal, though my change in diet has also effected it to some small degree. Having spent money to go out and be around people some the last 3 weeks definitely helped lift my spirits. That will most likely be short lived as well with the budget now stretched thin. I still don't regret any of it though. Everything I spent was worth the mental boost and nice feelings it still provides. Mother can just get over it.

Thank Goodness I'm Ultra Dave, mere mortals couldn't stand the stress of my existence. At times, I barely can.


witomski said...

Dave...It is imperative that you try to get a grip. I got laid off 4 moths ago; cashed out my 401-K and have had 6 job interviews to no avail....but I still keep plopping along. I don't think its good for you to take your mother to the doctor with you (for what purpose?). You need above all to get a job (even if it means quitting school). It is important at the end of the day for all of us to feel some type of self-worth. I can really empathize with you....I'm 55 this year and I can't believe I have to do this job thing AGAIN. Dave...keep rational...job before school. I am truly sorry that you are going through's tough. Only you can fix it.



Stan said...

Congratulations on the weight loss! I'm battling the bulge myself but most of my weight gain is coming from all the meds I am on for high blood pressure. I empathize with your work situation. I'm disabled now and awaiting my Social Security benefits to get approved going on over 2 years now so I know what it's like to be impoverished too. It's no fun when you can't afford to do anything or go anywhere. Good luck and I hope things improve for all of us soon.

Java said...

I'm so depressed that I don't want to go anywhere, so that saves me a little bit of money, sometimes. I'm piling up student loans at a frightening rate.

Sorry you feel so down, Dave. Get a good night's sleep. Maybe things will look a little better in the morning. I hope. Hang in there!

Steven said...

Congratulations on the weight loss! You seem to have the rationale to know what is right and not to get into frivolous spending. What spending you have made that I am aware of are the improvements you've been making to the house and exterior which should be rewarded to you in the increased value of the property. Keep your head up!

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