Grateful Things

Of many things I've lost
along the way to here
The good the bad the indifferent
gathered together in one place
Easy to chose
or hardest choices
Family and friends are tops
love can go either way
Health and financial gain meh
It the the hurt and hate I'm glad to see leave
The disappointments and charades
Anger and frustration get the boot too.
For all the living one does
some dying must happen as well
Everything ends so something new can begin
I'm grateful for things
both good and bad
happy and sad
It makes the now so much sweeter
and the future so much more to be cherished
Perfection comes from continuous refinement
My life to this point has been adding the polish
to this once rough diamond
All that has come to pass
has added facets to my chararcter
and personality
I don't have to be happy in the moment
But only know to be grateful for all things in the end.

Going Down

I've had a good week so far. I'm down to 189 pounds! I honestly don't recall the last time I was below 190. I'm sure it has been at least 5 years or more. It feels great! Totally awesome! I'm fitting into more of my old "skinny" clothes. It's like shopping without the expense! I'm getting more second looks from men and women at work. Coworkers are asking about my weight loss. I'm loving it! Instead of sweating about losing 15 or 20 pounds I've set weekly goals of 1, 2, or 3 pounds based on my work schedule, factoring in when I would need to eat and workout. So far it has been successful and I don't see that changing. My goal is obtainable and the new attention is inspiring. By the end of July, my goal is to be at 170, my "old fighting weight". By the end of August, I hope to have tighten up all the jiggly parts. I'm excited about the progress so far. Its hard to believe when I started this journey about 4 years ago, I had allowed myself to balloon to 252 pounds. Never again. I've since learned new eating habits and have been exercising long enough now that it is a habit. I'm all a tingle.

Big Wheels

My mother and I took my father's truck to a local independent dealer this afternoon. I had already looked up the value on Kelly's Blue Book just to get a ballpark figure. It went smoothly and my mother had a connection with the owner. She had taken care of his mother in law when she worked at Hospice. I was concerned that a V-8 gas guzzler that is 6 years old would be hard to get rid of, I think she received a fair price for the truck. More importantly she believes she did.  Overall, for something both of us had dreaded, it was pleasant and quickly over. So one more item off the to-do list.

The small house my grandmother left my father should be wrapping up in another couple of weeks. Just waiting on the lawyer to finalize all the paperwork before the money can be dispersed. She is looking forward to that.

The current listing agent's contract for my parent's  old place is up at the end of the month. She already has a new one lined up to replace him. Hopefully, this one will actually do something to get it sold quickly.

Things are moving forward, albeit, at a snail's pace. But still moving. Now if I can find a better job.....

Three Months Gone

It really doesn't seem like it. But my father has been gone for three months now. I still miss him. Still think about him. Still there are little reminders of his absence and of his legacy. I know my mother is still trying to adjust as well. We talk about it often. I haven't heard much from my sister about it, though I'm sure her and the grand kids are doing their best to cope too.

I was thinking yesterday about him as I changed the oil in his tractor. He had mentioned it several times before he died that it needed to be done. Yesterday was a good day to do it finally. At first, I didn't think I would do it right since it would be my first time. But I just remembered all the stuff my father had taught me about oil changes and applied them to the tractor. After all, an engine is an engine. As I tried to loosen the oil plug, it wouldn't budge for love or money, no matter how hard I pushed or pulled in either direction. I had given up on loosening it and had already told my mother I couldn't get it loose. I felt like I had let her down some how. I gave it one more shot before officially giving up. It broke loose on the second attempt, probably because I had to rethink the direction, though I had tried with all my might in both directions and it wouldn't budge. I think my father gave me a little extra boost to keep from disappointing my mother and myself. Thanks Daddy!

Off Again

Had a three day weekend that I've looked forward to, but have done little to entertain myself. Friday and Saturday, I worked about 4 hours each day, at my mother's houses, taking care of things for her. Between the two places, mowing, weed eating, tilling and even changing the oil in the tractor, I'm exhausted. I'm still off Sunday, so I'm gonna try to do nothing.

I had been chatting with a fella on Adam4Adam and finally met him last night. Let's just say I like his profile better. There won't be another meeting. Don't get me wrong he wasn't too far off in his representation of himself, but enough to turn me off. I actually think when I first met him, it was the first time I seriously considered turning around and leaving. But I have needs, they were satisfied and then I left. Guess there really is a reason I don't bother with guys that are too near by and under 30. Oh well....on to the next.

Heavy Musings

As most know, I've struggled/ fought with my weight for a while now. Since redoubling my efforts in my diet and exercise routine in early March, I have finally reached 194 pounds. Just 2 pounds more than when I started Macy's August 2010. It could have been quicker had life not intervened nor had I had to lose the same freaking 5 to 10 pounds about 4 times. I'm finally down from 205 to below 195 for the first time in years! I'm all a tingle. Even if the fat fights me every step of the way, I am making progress. I can now see more definition in my chest, which makes my belly look smaller and I am back into my 33 waist pants! Woohoo!! My goal is to be back into my 32 waist pants by the end of July, if not sooner and to hit my target weight sometime by then if not sooner. I'm tweaking goals and my workout and diet as I go along to compensate for my age now and how my body reacts to exercise and dieting these days. Hopefully, it will all fall into place sooner rather than later this year!

Inward March

I think too much and act too little. I spend way too much time on the computer and not enough time in the real world, doing real things, with real people. I'm not sure how this habit developed. I think it was the first time either my DVD player or my TV stopped working. I use to get up and exercise every morning. That was how I got into such fantastic shape the first time. I use to have friends to hang out with, go places with, do things with. Of course I had the money to do that, now I don't. I'm not exactly sure how my life and my body got into such sad shape. I hate living in the past, though I seem to make comparisons very frequently to the "good old days". I think it keeps me from moving forward. Just like all the time spent on the internet. I will say this about the computer and the internet, I've met, reconnected, and learned a lot because of it. However the fact remains, it consumes way too much of my time. I'm so tempted to reactivate my Facebook account because I'm bored. I had considered working out tonight, but at this late hour, I'd never get to sleep. I'm bored with browsing profiles on various website trying to meet someone. I've grown to dislike the casual hookups over the years and would really like to have some meaningful connection with someone first. I had thought about throwing caution to the wind and spending some money on a night out, but realize I would have to ask my mother for money which I don't want to do. More so than stay home on the computer. I realize one day off of Facebook and one day limiting my time on "other" sites isn't gonna break the habit. Tonight will be rough. Tomorrow as well. But I will eventually get the hang of it and find other things to occupy my time. To be continued....

Hello! Goodbye!

Not much in the way of news around here. Much of the same old stuff, repeated daily. I did take a bold step and temporarily deactivated my Facebook profile. Nothing to get too concerned with, I just needed a break from it. I spend too much time trying to catch up with every little tidbit of news from my friends and make snarky comments or give meaningful advice to situations I know little about. I want to devote a bit more time to this blog again and of course, working out in the mornings. Without a news feed distracting for longer than intended, I should see some quicker process in getting in shape. Rest assured, I will be back to Facebook in a while. For those readers that are on my friends list, feel free to contact me through my email.