Daddy Update

My father had a doctor's appointment yesterday to find out what the CT scan revealed on Tuesday. It's not good news. The cancerous tumor has begin growing again. He still has a touch of pneumonia, but was given some antibiotics for that. He can't have any more radiation treatments. He isn't strong enough for chemo. And the location and condition of his lungs don't allow surgery as an option. The upside to all of this is that it isn't growing at an alarming rate at the moment nor does it appear to be spreading elsewhere, nor did the visit warrant a sentence of a few months or less than a year. My parents are seeking out other treatment options but I'm not sure there are any left available. I'm gonna be optimistic for all our sakes and hope that something can be found. It's sad to say this and a bit selfish too, but I'm gonna say it anyway. If my father must go, then let it be quick, pain free and after the first of next year sometime. I don't want my mother to associate their anniversary in November, or Thanksgiving or Christmas with his death.

Weight Loss

At #195.
2o more to go and get tightened up.
Still a bit scary, but I can see my feet!

I feel better than I did at #252!

Yep He Is A Sweetheart

Since Jim couldn't make it to the party Saturday because of work, I decided to invite him to the mall for dinner at California Pizza Kitchen Friday night after I got off work. He wasn't sure if he would be leaving work in time, but texted me later to say he could. He drove from the University area all the way over to Southpark Mall, a distance of about 20 miles to see me and he paid for dinner! He is such a sweetheart. He had parked at the top of the hill near the restaurant entranced and walked all the way to the store to meet me. After dinner we walked to the car and he drove me to mine so I wouldn't have to walk so far. We talked a little more and had our first kiss. I was getting ready to tell him what a great kisser he was but he told me I was first! It was a great first kiss! I do wish I had a pic of him to show adorable he is, but so far I don't. I haven't had anyone treat me so nice or be so considerate in a very, very long time. I think he genuinely enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his. I can't wait to see him again! He is such a great hugger and kisser!

Dating Update

I had my first kiss and cuddle session with Phillip on Sunday evening after work. It was very pleasant snuggled up on the couch next to him, watching a little bit of tv and just talking. He is great at hugging too! It was very nice. My big concern at this point is: I don't particularly like the way he kisses. Since he is big guy, his mouth is larger than mine too, so when he kisses, I feel like he is trying to swallow my face. The little flirty kisses are very nice but the french ones aren't. I've ran across this problem before with another guy long ago. We stopped seeing each other, not necessarily because of that, but I did take it into consideration. I'm going over Wednesday night to watch movies with him. I'll see if it is any different. It could just have been the angle of approach, since we were both laying back on the sofa at the time. Overall, I still enjoyed the evening.

****Update....Phillip just canceled plans an hour before I was suppose to be at his house.****

This Saturday I'm going out with Jim. We are going to a party in Winston Salem. I'm looking forward to the party and to seeing him again. I can't wait to hug and kiss him too! Our parting hug after we left the restaurant last Sunday was wonderful. Very compatible physically. Our conversation was great too. That was one of the reasons I invited him to go. I knew the drive down and back would give us more time to learn about the other. I've spoken and emailed with him several times since the dinner. I'm quite happy thinking about him. Even a bit more tingly than with Phillip. I'll just have to wait to see how it goes.

*** Jim has a late appointment Saturday and can't make it. Damn! I'm disappointed***

Daddy Update

My father got to come home yesterday after a week in the hospital. Now maybe he can rest. I'm so relieved!

Father Hospitalized

My father is in the hospital with pneumonia on top of his emphysema and asthma. He also took a tumble in the living room this morning, hitting his forehead on the ceramic tile floor, scraping his elbow and shoulder up pretty bad. They have put him on IV antibiotics and did some type of lung treatment. Thankfully, my sister was down to visit today and stayed with them at the emergency room till 4pm. I stopped by after work so my mother could go home to change, feed their dog and take her pills. She is gonna spend the night and my sister will be there in the morning about 8am to relive her. The spots on the elbow and shoulder look really bad. His coughing is still going but not as bad as it was. He looks horrible. Both my parents seem a bit out it. My sister and I are worried sick about both of them at this point. I'm not ready for this.

This is More Like It!

While waiting around for Phillip to make plans this weekend, I struck up a conversation with a fella named Jim. He looked handsome in his pics with a very nice body, (yes, one of those sites). After chatting a bit and hitting it off so well, he invited me to dinner at Olive Garden in Monroe. Of course, I said yes! I'm glad I did too! He is even better looking in person! His profile pic didn't do him justice! He is very sweet, charming and interesting! I'm glad we were in a public place or I would have been all over him! We laughed, talked about our interest and families, work, just all sorts of things. The conversation never lagged and the chuckles were plentiful. We exchanged some more contact info and hugged good bye in the parking lot. I did sneak a kiss on his neck just to tease him a little. I'm hoping to see him again really soon!

I did finally met Phillip and his son Friday evening. He came by the store to surprise me and purchased two watches as well. He is handsome and tall. His son is gonna be heartbreaker when he gets older. For all the hours we have chatted and text we exchanged, he seems a bit too aloof for me. Maybe because he has a preteen to contend with or maybe the pressure of his job, but whatever it is, I do want a little more attention, at least in the start, than he is providing. Answering emails about plans he suggested would be a nice start. Unlike Jim, he needs some follow through. If we met again, then great. If not, no worries.

I'm putting myself out there for anyone and everyone. If I'm interested, I'll pursue, if not keep on moving. I'm not gonna get what I want with you- know- who, so I need to launch a campaign to find one who can. Look out world, here I come!

Sunday Tease

I'd love to soak in the tub with this guy!

Whine Fest

**This may or may not be wine induced**

I just wanna be loved. I wanna be held close by strong arms to a man's well muscled chest and feel protected. I wanna be kissed to the point of almost being consumed. I wanna feel like I am the only reason they get up in the morning. I want to be the reason they return home every evening. I wanna know without a doubt that I mean as much to them as their family or breathing, that they will never leave me and always be there for me. I wanna be their best friend, confidant, and lover. I wanna be the one that will support any idea they have, that will make them happy, make them laugh, make it safe and make sure they know they are cherished. I want someone that I can't imagine them not being a part of my life and them feel and express the same. All I want is to be loved and held by a strong man that I can love and hold in return.

Daddy Update

I stopped by my parents again this evening from work. My father has had a rough couple of days. My mother set up a doctor's appointment for Friday at 2:30pm. While there isn't much that can be done for the condition, maybe he can get some relief from the constant coughing and maybe that will help him breath easier and sleep better. My mother said he didn't eat hardly anything today. His appetite has dropped considerably over the last few months, so eating even less is disturbing in itself. He really looked bad. It worries me. I don't think he has the strength to be worried at this point. He just sits on the couch with is breathing tube on with his eyes closed when he isn't coughing. I wish there was something I could do to restore his health and vitality.

HoHum Updates

It has been a long boring week at work. I finally got my resume to Kay Jewelers. The district manger was there but doing a store visit (one of eleven in 2 days) and didn't have the time to talk. I did get to meet him though and he said we would talk sometime next week. The store manager told me she would be in contact with me as soon as she got back the online test results I had taken. I've got my fingers crossed, hoping and praying like crazy that I can get that job! I so want to get out of Macy's before Christmas!

I stopped by my parents the last two evenings on the way home. Daddy hasn't been doing so good. Coughing, and short of breath, mostly, which leads to no sleep. He looks bad and sounds worse. I can tell my mother is worried. I know I am. Sadly, the doctor told him Monday, that the bad valve in his heart can't be operated on, because of his lungs and of course, he can't be operated on for his lungs because of them either. Bless his heart....it's just sad that nothing more can be done, except wait for the end to come. The upside is no one knows when that will be.

I thought I had found someone but alas, it doesn't seem to be panning out that way. We have talked for several hours the last 6 days. Have agreed to meet 4 of those. Phillip has canceled at the last minute every time. I did cut him a little slack given his type of work and the hours it requires and the fact he has a 12 year old son he has shared custody. But really, it makes me think he isn't that committed to meeting me in the first place if he can't even make it a priority to meet me just once. And that was his idea and he is the one that got in touch with me. Of course, he has only been split from his ex for about 6 months and every time I log into Manhunt, he is on, even when chatting with me. Maybe he has done found someone he likes better. Who knows? I tried to message him earlier and it was ignored. I'm gonna leave this one alone!

I've heard through the grapevine that Tommy has a new job. It appears he had it the last time he worked, but didn't tell me or Jessica. Apparently, he didn't want us to know according to this source. Of course I think that was the exact reason he did tell them so it would get back to us and maybe we would reach out to congratulate him and he wouldn't have to make the effort. I'm happy for him.


On the upside, I've lost another 3 pounds as of this morning for a total of 11 pounds! Woohoo! And I'm on the final stretch of my Stop Smoking campaign. I've went from 20 to 30 cigarettes a day to 9, now at 6 and hopefully tomorrow 4 and done by Friday! Wish me luck!

Open Letter to Tommy

I'm sorry you don't think I've been a good friend to you. I think I have. I've invited you to parties, events and places. I took care of you twice when you had gotten sick. Once the first time we ever went out together and you mixed alcohol and a pain pill at Dan and Willie's party in Winston Salem. I drove the hour and half home with you passed out in the passenger seat, after you finally stopped throwing up. And then after the White Party after you got thrown out of the club hosting the after party ( and I still don't know why.). And that was after you told me in the club to "go away". I stayed with you that night despite having to work the next day and it was after 3am, helped you undress at your request, up and down the stairs, out of bed, off the couch and off the floor. I ignored the fact you were rubbing the back of your hand across my chest and crotch while muttering about being horny, wanting a blow job or to fuck.I even kissed you twice on the cheek at your request (I figured since I had already tucked you in on the couch you couldn't get up to hug good bye). I handed you tissue to wipe the vomit from your mouth, rubbed you back as you heaved and cleaned up the floor where you didn't make it to the bathroom. I listened as you told me about Vince, and Wade, one guy you aren't "dating" and the other some Internet crush. I listened as you told me your woes on finding a job, how desperately you wanted to find "someone', your worries about losing your home and your car, your dreams of installing a pool and a hot tub. I listened as any friend would and gave my advice where needed and offered my support. I laughed with you and I cried with you at your circumstance. I didn't judge. I never came over uninvited and never empty handed. I pulled more than my fair share of this friendship. I was always the one to reconnect whenever you felt guilty about having fun and would ignore me, sometimes for up to a month, because your pride was more important than a friendship or your fake image of being a mature responsible adult was faltering under your own repression. I encouraged your pursuit of employment when you were ready to give in and of your endeavor to get into shape. I let you know when there was hours available at work when you needed them and always encouraged others to call you first if they needed to be off. I'm the one waiting for an apology. I'm the one that was ignored at the White Party and told to go away in the club. I was the one who's calves hurt so bad I could hardly walk the next day from lifting and pulling your drunk ass. I'm the one who you didn't speak to or even look at for 4 hours the last time we worked together. And yet, just last Friday we hung together at the mall before work, laughing and planning. Saturday we spent hours together, getting ready for the White party, drinking, laughing, dancing around in towels and underwear like best friends. And I'm the one who is not a good friend? I'm the greatest friend you could ever had. but I will not be disrespected. I will not make you an priority when I'm only an option. I will not be used as a good time charlie. Whatever crush I had on you long since died. I looked to you as a big brother/best friend and was happy with that. I hate to see it end, but for my sanity I guess it must. I will not make the effort this time. If it doesn't come from you then it ain't gonna happen this time around. I wish you luck in your new job and finding that someone who can put up with your moods and catholic guilt issues.

Working For A Living

The job with Helzberg didn't pan out. Can't say I'm surprised. It had a weird vibe to it anyway.

The manager at Kay Jewelers has been talking to me. I had casually mentioned me wanting to leave Macy's and return to a full service jewelry store and that I had worked for Kay before and even helped set up the store she works in. She took it upon herself to check my background with the company, which she said I was highly recommended and then offered to set up an interview with her district manager, who is also wanting to meet with me. Woohoo! She said there was no reason for her to interview me as far as she was concerned, just fill out two test online from home and talk with the DM. Yesterday she informed me that most likely (I'm thinking if hired, though she didn't phrase it that way) I would go to work at Carolina Place mall as an assistant manager or to the Monroe store as an assistant manger or 3rd key, depending on what happens there in the interim.

I'm very excited about this! I'm all a tingle over it! I loved working for Kay Jewelers. I would have never left had the store location I worked at not been closed down. I'm hoping for the best. Also, so far, no mention of having to pass a credit report thingy!

White Party

Went to the White Party with Tommy.
Interesting night.
(Btw, lost 8 pounds)

Wednesday Tease

Wow!

Big Wheels

Me getting ready to mow my parent's 5 acre yard.

About Time

I finally have had enough of being fat! Woohoo! I tackled clutter around my home gym this morning and began exercising! Woohoo! It's still crowded in there, but I now have room to do the basic exercises to work my chest, biceps, abs, and shoulders. Woohoo! I'm so excited! I'm all a tingle!
I did 3 sets of 5 exercises this morning and had my heart rate up. Of course my warm up cardio was cleaning the room up! I broke a sweat and I can feel it now! I'm gonna do it! No more whining about being fat or having clothes that don't fit! I'm gonna be damn fine for next summer. I have tried dieting alone, which did help me go from 252 to 192, but still wasn't enough. Since working, I got back up to 210. This morning I weighted in at 208. This time, I'm gonna do it and keep doing it till they put me in the ground!

Just Maybe

I applied a couple of weeks ago with Helzberg Diamonds. I had spoken with the manager on the phone Friday. He asked about my experience in jewelry and such like normal. He also asked if I could pass a drug test, background check and a credit check. I told him the credit check may be iffy given I had to turn in my Saturn a couple of years ago, but no problem with the other two. Everything else is spot on so Saturday morning before going to work at Macy's, I went for an interview. Somehow the computer system, either theirs or mine scrambled my resume into such a mess, I had to completely redo the whole thing on their forms. No problem I got it fixed for them. In the meantime, the manger had a customer. Not totally unexpected on a Saturday in a mall. It took forever with them people and I finally had to leave to go to work. Soooooo......he is gonna do a credit check and let me know if we should bother to reschedule the interview. I've got my fingers crossed. I would love to get out of Macy's before Christmas with their ridiculous holiday hours.

Sport's Oops!

I really like this photo!