Saturday, May 30, 2009

A Quandary

I'm upset with a "friend", former coworker, on Facebook. Granted, Jason and I aren't close friends in real life, but I had hopes of becoming such. Nothing sexual, just someone to hang with, chat with etc. In the beginning, we would chat, even briefly. I'd email, he would respond. Everything was cordial. Just talk about work, general interest questions, nothing too personal or probing. Then his replies became shorter, then not at all. He has somehow blocked himself from showing when he is logged on. He has removed his phone number from his info page. He has not responded to any emails in 2 weeks. However, he has not "unfriended" me or removed himself from my "best friends" list. He just ignores me. When this behavior started, I asked about it. He reply was "he has been busy". Yet he has advanced 10 levels in an online game that requires a lot of time to achieve. I asked about meeting to shoot pool, no response. I asked about meeting for lunch, no response. That day I was in Charlotte to pick up the painting I had purchased, I stopped by his work. I had a coupon for getting the car detailed so I figured I use it. He did say hello and smile friendly enough. He was busy working on a car. He never once took a moment to walk over to say anything and I was there over an hour.

Now, am I being an overly sensitive drama queen or am I being dissed? I had a lot of respect for this guy. He is straight and divorced. We were at the same poker game once. When his younger brother committed suicide, I gave him a sympathy card to which he thanked me for. When we worked together, he would always take a moment to answer any questions I had. He was always nice and friendly. I don't understand what has changed. Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated. This is driving me nuts. If he would say anything, even "Fuck off", I can handle it better than being ignored. What do my readers think? I really like to know.

P.S. Am I wanting a new best friend too badly?


Ur-spo said...

Miss Manners would point out his aloof 'I've been busy' is a more polite way of saying "Look I don't want to see you anymore".
Although it hurts, it is a sign to drop him. You don't need an explanation from him.

Move on.

T.E.W. said...

I would say just to back off and give him space. There might be stuff going on in his life and this is how he deals with it, by cutting off others and distancing himself. So yes you tried and gave it your best shot so move on, be the bigger man say nothing and find a new friend(s)

Java said...

You've already got some good advice here, so I'll just add my support.

Bob said...

I'll be brief: Ditto.

Anonymous said...

Dave....people don't suddenly change their habits for no reason as there is usual some type of life changing intervention such as a new relationship, death, etc. I would agree with the three previous postings and just give him some time to sort through whatever is challenging him right now. I would say in about six weeks, make one more attempt and move on....Joe

Lemuel said...

One things that appears to be implied (but I'm not sure) is that you are not the only one being shut out from his life. If that is true, then, as we say, the trouble is the transmitter not the receiver. He may be dealing with something that he is unwilling or unable to share (even as much as you might like to help him bear that burden). I go with some of the others: give him some space and time. Perhaps when he works through it he will resume contact. Meanwhile, do not sit and stew, continue to seek new freinds and adventures for yourself.

Russ Manley said...

Another ditto from me, Dave. Friendship is something can that only be offered, not demanded.

In my experience, I have found it important to learn when to let go with grace, and also when to take *no* for an answer - especially when it's not said in so many words.

I'm not a mind reader, but I can understand why a *divorced* straight man of a certain insecure type might feel a little wary of being too open to a gay guy; geez, what would his other friends think . . . ?

Or it might be something totally different and unrelated to you personally at all. If it was me, I would take the hint, move on, and not fret a minute longer about it.

Disappointments like this happen to all of us; don't dwell on it buddy. Find someone else who *does* want a friend would be my attitude, there's lots of folks in that category.

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