Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Expectations: Keeping Them at Bay

Expectations are curious things. They can lift you up or drag you down. I've often pondered the concept and it's implications in my life. Do I have any of myself and others? Are they too high, too low? Are they achievable? Are they realistic? Are they necessary? For the most part, I think everyone has them and are mostly spot on, but I know some of mine are troublesome for they are not. I've realized this at several points in my journey through life. Recently it concerns my love life or lack thereof. Yep, on that subject again. Now don't misunderstand, I do want someone to share my life with, and I sure wouldn't mind a good romp in the hay after a 5 year dry spell, but there are inherit problems with the timing. My expectations are simple when it comes to relationships. Hell, I'm simple all the time. Treat me right and be faithful. Easy enough.

As simple as I try to keep things in the real world, mentally it isn't so cut and dried. When I fall for someone, I want immediate, all out relationship mode. Bring the U-haul on the second date. Provided I'm into them and find even a faint hint of long term potential. Sadly, I expect them to feel the same way. Yep, kinda pathetic and definitely disappointing. Now some of my expectations are more grounded in reality, such as the qualities I discussed in an earlier post. Those are nice expectations to have and cause no harm in trying to meet them. I also seem to think that the object of my desire/ lust/ affection/ hormones can read minds. This causes problems, well, because they can't. I've come to realize this is unfair to them and whatever we could have had because it kinda sabotages it from the beginning. If I'm thinking that they are picking up on every little thing I do or say and they aren't, then I get weird. You know, full blown hissy mode. Snapping and bitchy or quiet and withdrawn, which ever I think will work to get the attention I want. That would be a bad expectation to have. Now I have learned to watch it and not fall into the control everything, me me me trap. I let things unfold at their own pace. Mature in their own time. Sure I'm still planting the little hints here and there all along, but otherwise stay out of the way. I don't get bent out of shape over something they had no idea about. Maybe I'm just getting older. Maybe wiser.


Java said...

Wisdom is always a good idea.

You sounded almost like a lesbian there for a minute, Dave, what with the U-haul and everything. ;) You're such a romantic. It's sweet. I hope "he" (whoever he is) appreciates it.

Bigg said...

The right one will come along, Dave. Just when you least expect it.

Russ Manley said...

A dissenting view: There is no right one. Only the ones you happen to meet.

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