Saturday, April 25, 2009

What's Up?

The last few days have been a bitch. Not from circumstance but attitude. I've been slightly freaking over the least little things and can't seem to get my ex out of my head for some reason. I finally decided to spend a little money to see if I could locate him. It just seems paramount. I'm not sure if that is because I forgot to take my medication the last few days or not, but whatever reason, I'll feel better if I can hear his voice or at least get some information about how he is doing. Strange that after 9 years, the bastard can still effect me this way. It's almost a sheer panic that something is wrong or he is dead. Either way I want to know, then maybe I can lay this rest. Of course once the pills kick in, maybe I'll go back to not giving a shit anymore.

I've also been frustrated and confused about some other things as well. Without getting to deep, suffice it to say, it involves a guy I know and would like to know better. He is a former coworker of mine and has always been nice to me but has never gone out of his way really to be so. Most times my instant messages go ignored, though if I email him a question he always responds. I don't understand if it is intentional or he just doesn't pay attention. Anyway, without my meds, it has been very frustrating indeed. He is I assume straight, he is divorced and best I can tell doesn't date. All his friends on Facebook are married females, high school buds, coworkers or family. He knows I'm gay and still accepted a best friend request. He is attractive but a bit younger than me, but honestly, I really just want a friend to hang with, nothing more. (Of course, should he choose otherwise, I would be receptive). I'm disillusioned I guess. Frustrated, bored and lonely. No medication for a few days only exacerbates the feelings. Maybe I'm worked up over nothing. Thankfully so far I've practiced amazing restraint at not going off on him.


CJ/Rick said...

It's not for lack of meds but I get freaky like that at times. I start obsessing about a past lover. I was thinking so much about one a week or so ago I was dreaming about him. When I woke up I realized that the nut on Will & Grace (Will's friend-can't think)was the guy in my dreams. What's up with that? Hope your out of your funk soon! Hang in there Dave.

Lemuel said...

Sending you best wishes that you can matinain a level-headed and rational approach to an emotionally volatile situation.

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