Just Be Myself

I took this Saturday. Chris requested a pic, why, I'm not sure. This one I didn't send and choose one of my almost smiling ones instead. I've often heard to "just be yourself" in these instances. I found myself thinking about that after my little photo shoot. I'm always myself, though I would have a hard time trying to define "me" to someone else. I'm not much on talking about myself. I'm sort of a private person. You couldn't tell from all I publish on my blog though. There are still parts I keep private about myself and family, even here and on Facebook. I prefer someone to have to work to get to know me, just as I do them. I don't mind being asked questions, there are few I wouldn't answer. I just won't go on and on about myself in any detail. Now, after I've warmed up to someone, I'm an open book. I hold little, if anything back, much to the chagrin of my few remaining friends.

I recall the first days and weeks and months, after I met my last ex, Greg. I still recall tidbits of our conversations, from way back on December 2, 1989. I recall many of our talks. We would talk to the wee hours of the morning about anything and everything. It's one of the things I miss about our relationship. We were great at communicating, the good, the bad and the ugly. That may be why we lasted through all the crap for 10 years.

Now I found myself wanting to hold back when I meet people. I'm not sure if it's because I'll scare them, overwhelm them or bore them. Weird. Greg and I split 10 years ago and I haven't had many face to face conversations since that were as passionate or engaging as ours. I tend to think it is me. I've changed. The world has changed. Communications certainly have. It seems conversation is a lost art.

I've never been much of a phone person. I guess the pay as you go phone I have will keep it that way for some time to come. Mostly I interact with people online, through email or chat. That has it's draw backs, but it's better than nothing. I tend to open up more after I've built a rapport. I try to not be so intense, but it is my Aries nature. I just try to keep it in check.

When dinner happens with Chris, I need to remember a few things. First, breathe. Second, be myself. Third, don't worry. Fourthly, don't jump his bones. Fifthly, don't interrogate him.

I should do fine. Just like riding a bike, right?