Upon a Midnight Clear

Long ago, Christmas Eve was much more fun. As a child, like many others, I would eagerly anticipate the arrival of Santa Claus. As an adult, I would eagerly look forward to an evening spent with friends. Most of my friends at the time, spent Christmas Day with their families, so we were left to our our devices for Christmas Eve. We would gather together, either at some one's house for drinks and a movie or meet up at a restaurant for dinner and drinks, before heading out to a club. It really didn't matter what we did, those of us that didn't have obligations, were together for that evening. I have many fond memories of those times. Even while my ex and I were still together, the tradition continued. He would travel to his parents home and I was here to be with mine on Christmas Day. It worked for us for 10 years.

Over the last several years, that little group has disappeared. Many of them have passed away, no longer here to celebrate, others have moved away and started their own traditions. My ex and I split 10 years ago and thus far, my heart hasn't been claimed by another. I now sit at home, for many years alone and melancholy, remembering all the great times of Christmases past. Now I have my dog, Izzy, to keep me company. I use to watch the TV specials and have a drink to honor the tradition. Now, without cable TV, or a converter box, I sit at the computer, checking emails, looking at blogs, waiting for a status to change on Facebook so I can comment, or eagerly checking for comments on my blogs to pass the time.

A lot has changed over the years. I have changed, some for the good, some maybe not so much. I keep things in perspective. It will not always be this way. I just need to get through school, get a job so I can become social again, meet new people to hang with. Get the house built one day and settle in to a routine. I still have much to do. Yes, while it is a bit lonely sometimes, especially with no invites coming my way these days and no money to speak of to venture out, I know this will pass. I can't wait to unleash myself upon the world again. Until then, I'll do my living through Facebook and Blogger, while the night plays host to untold millions of children's fantasies, realizing that those are what make it bearable when you grow older and life takes unexpected turns.